Advantage: Single.

We all know that no matter how crappy it might feel at times, there ARE advantages that come with being single. Some are legit, and some are just things we repeat to ourselves so we feel better about our single situation. Today,  I most definitely experienced one of those legit advantages.

A few months ago, my (single) friend JD and I were talking about what we should do for New Year’s. We knew we didn’t want to stay in town, and as much as I love my friends, I wasn’t super excited about going to B&C’s annual New Year’s party with a bunch of married couples. We threw around a few ideas – one being a trip to the south of France where JD went to school and worked for two years. She goes back every few months to visit friends, and suggested this as an option (among a few other closer-to-home options as well). So, after going back and forth and considering some other (and cheaper!) options, we decided – “What the hell?” – and booked our flights to Nice today.

Not only am I thrilled that JD was kind of enough to include me in her plans to go back to Monaco for a visit, but I’m also thrilled that instead of just talking about the things you can do when you’re single (ie. spontaneously booking expensive travel), I’m actually doing them. Ever since I traveled to Europe with Contiki (HIGHLY recommend this if you’re between 18-35, single – or not – and want to travel. Best time of my life) – I’ve wanted to go back. It completely opened my eyes to what’s out in the world, and was seriously life-changing. It’s so easy to find excuses not to do these kinds of things; mostly money, time and responsibilities. Well here’s what: at the end of the day, you can’t take it with you. And life’s just too short. So yes – this will be an expensive trip, but I know I’ll never regret it. I just got a big raise, and should spoil myself. I should take advantage of the fact that I don’t have to discuss this with anyone else, and don’t have to fight over how much money it’s going to be, and that I could just decide one day to book a trip and do it. I’m also taking the train to Italy for a few days to see (and meet!) some of my relatives, so I can’t wait for that either. What a great way to start 2010.

On top of all this, I have yet to mention in my blog that I interviewed (and am waiting NOT so patiently for) a volunteer position with the Vancouver 2010 Olympics. I have always been fascinated by the Olympics, and would even go as far to say that I have a real passion for it. There’s something so amazing about all those countries coming together for the love of sport. And as a very proud Canadian, I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to participate in something like this in my home country. If I get the position, it’s likely I may have to stay in Vancouver for up to 4 weeks (luckily I have relatives out there who have agreed to take me in!) Would I have taken this leap if I wasn’t single? Maybe, maybe not. But the fact is that I can do it – I’m not leaving anyone behind for a month, I have a good job that will let me take time off for an opportunity like this, and I don’t have to worry about someone thinking I’m crazy for spending money on another expensive trip. And I’ve decided that even if I don’t get the position, I’m flying out to Vancouver for a week during the Olympics anyway, because – “Why not!?” The final phase for tickets is this Saturday so I’m hoping to secure tickets for a couple of events.

Yes – it’s true that I will probably be broke when I get back in February, and might find myself saying: “What the heck were you thinking spending all that money on travel?! Now you’re broke!” But you know what? NOW I feel like I’m finally taking advantage of my single life, and I’m finally starting to accept love it. Yay me

and then there was one

It’s official. My friends are married. I am now the only single in our group of 9. C&A’s wedding was absolutely beautiful – stunning. And I had a ton of fun. It also marked my last (and 6th) duty as a bridesmaid/maid of honour. It’s a lot of work and time being in a wedding, but the day-of is always so much fun. So, as excited as I am to be done with the stress of the costs and planning, it’s strange not to have a wedding to look forward to being in. Actually, for the first time in I don’t know how long, I don’t have ANY weddings on my calendar – none to be in, and none to go to. I think my bank account could use the break

Of course, now that these weddings are over – all talk has turned to babies. I didn’t think it would happen so fast, but the couples that I know have been together for a long time (since high-school for most of them), and many of them living together for awhile so they don’t see the need to wait. As excited as I am for my friends to start this part of their lives, it’s hard not to feel like they’ve set sail on a ship that I’m not on; like I’m on a completely different ship, going in the opposite direction.

As bad as this might sound, I was actually looking forward to getting back to our ‘normal’ lives and conversations again – we’ve had three weddings in our group in the last year and a half, so there’s been a lot of wedding talk. A LOT. Don’t get me wrong – I enjoyed helping two of my best friends plan their weddings. But, I find it difficult sometimes to continually have conversations about things that don’t apply to me, or that I can’t contribute to. Already, talk has turned to the dos and don’ts of pregnancy, getting pregnant, having babies etc, etc so it feels like the cycle is starting all over again.

As a 27 year-old single woman, I want to talk about the dos and don’ts of dating, and work, and careers and travel – so I can’t help but feel like I’m at a completely different life stage than the rest of my friends. I love going out with my single girlfriends (the two that I have!) We have much more in common, and share similar stories and can relate to each other – not just about being single, but about our interests, our plans, our jobs etc. The good thing is that I’m content with that – I don’t want to get married right now. I don’t want to be pregnant. I don’t want to be at that life stage yet. I want do the ’single things’ now, and save the other stuff for later; there’s still plenty of time for me to do all that. But it scares me – because I’m afraid that these differences in interests, and life stages and conversations are going to separate me from my other, very close friends. Because as happy as I am for them, it’s difficult. It’s difficult to feel like I’m behind – when really – I’m not! But they now have all these shared experiences in common, and I don’t. And while I can’t imagine not being there when the babies start arriving, I’m feeling a little left out; like the rest of them will have these common bonds and experiences that I can’t share in. I’m sure my fears are unwarranted, but it’s hard to say what will happen – friends have gone their separate ways over much less. Funny part is, I don’t have this fear about my relationships with each couple individually; I only find it difficult when we’re all in a group and talking about this kind of stuff.

Safe to say, the relationship dynamics of our group will probably change – but here’s hoping that my friends will let me take a sail on their boat once and awhile, and hopefully they’ll want to sail on mine.

Friend.

My best friend is getting married on Saturday. And I can’t wait.

Despite the fact that I have had somewhat of an emotionally tough time making it through weddings this year, this one gives me no trepidation or anxiety whatsoever. I am beyond excited to celebrate this day with them, and even more excited that I get to be a part of it as C’s Maid of Honour. She has picked a great guy – and I’m so lucky that A. has become such a good friend to me as well. It’s great that I get to cap off my bridal party duties (this is number six) with two of my favourite people.

I really struggled trying to write my speech because C. has been such an amazing friend to me, and I wasn’t sure I could find the words to tell her just how much her support means to me. I hope that I have. There are a few surprises up my sleeve as well

C. is going to be the most beautiful bride ever – AND – she has the classiest taste, so I know that everything is going to look fantastic. She had a bit of bad luck today, and I am praying that things will work themselves out by Saturday. She deserves to have this day be perfect.

I love you C. and I can’t wait for Saturday!

in pursuit of happiness

“To have joy one must share it. Happiness was born a twin.” Lord Byron, 1788  – 1824

Do you think this is true? I believe that people can be happy alone (although not sure I’m there yet). But sometimes, the pursuit of happiness - is a lonely road. Especially when the twin is missing. And I believe that you can be happy, without neccessarily experiencing happi-ness – does that make sense?

On Friday, I had my annual performance evaluation at work. I always get nervous for these despite the fact that I’m fairly confident in my job, and consistently reassured that I’m doing well. Turns out – my boss thinks I’m fantastic. I exceed expectations. People like working with me. She thinks I have potential to be a leader on our team. AND – she thinks I’m so great that I’m getting a big fat raise. Now – who wouldn’t be happy about that!? Of course I was…

But then I came home. And there was no one to tell. No one to celebrate with. No one to hug and kiss me and say “I told you so!” or “Congratulations!” and “You deserve it!” My parents were thrilled of course, and my best friend C. – but it just wasn’t the same. It was lonely. And although it was great news, and I was happy about it – the happi-ness of being able to share it with someone was missing.

I’m sure there are people reading this who think I’m a whiner – that I should just be thankful for such a great opportunity, and happy that everything else in my life is going great. And so what if I’m single? It’s one piece out of a whole puzzle of things that make up a happy life. But sometimes, I’d be willing to give up so many of those other puzzle pieces to have someone who’s committed to me. Because if everything else in my life was less than perfect, you’re still left with someone to share it with. The highs and the lows. Someone in my corner who’s made the choice to love me, support me, and be happy with me. Whatever I’m going through, I’m not alone. And I do believe that happiness is so much sweeter when you share it with someone. And the lows are much easier to get through when it’s someone’s job and commitement to be on your side.

But this is my blog – and I’ll whine if I want to. This just reassures for me again that – IF – I ever do find someone who becomes my partner, I know I will be that much more grateful. And if all of these other good things in my life go away, I will remember this blog and how badly all I wanted was someone to share it with. So for me, the pursuit of happiness goes on…

Spoke too soon

As per my previous post, I may have jinxed myself.

I apparently thought I was OK with the whole X/GF situation. But regardless of whether I am or  not, going to a wedding where you are single and your ex is there with a new girlfriend, SUCKS. And unfortuantely, going home alone after it is even worse. Not feeling in a fesitve, Thanksgivingy mood….

I might be OK

I write this title hesitantly, because everytime I think I’m “OK” when it comes to any issues relating to X, I inevitably jinx myself, something dramatic happens and I find that I am indeed, NOT OK. However, I can cautiously, confidently say that I am the most “OK” with my X issues than I think I have ever been. The night of C’s surprise party (as incredibly difficult as it was) was a turning point for me, as was the conversation I had with my Mom afterwards about how me being upset about X having a girlfriend is really just an excuse to be upset about me being single. I finally got it. And for the first time in I don’t know how long, I actually don’t miss X. I don’t feel like calling him. I don’t want to email him. I don’t care about trying to get together to ‘catch-up’. For the first time, I don’t crave a ‘friendship’ with him. I think I have finally ‘got’ what a jerk he actually is. AND – I’ve witnessed it.

Hanging out at B&C’s this past Saturday night, X showed up with his new GF. I can honestly say that I don’t even know what her voice sounds like – she didn’t speak a world all night, and is painfully shy. The worst part about it was that X didn’t even try and include her or make her feel comfortable – he acted as though she wasn’t even there! I found myself questioning whether or not he even LIKES this girl. And I have to say, that I felt really bad for her – she was clearly uncomfortable, and I’d generally be the one to try and include someone like that in conversation but I knew that it couldn’t be me who took that step. From the night of C’s surprise party, I predicted that she was the type of girl that was going to let X walk all over her – and it was clear from his actions Saturday night that I am definitely right.

My very limited conversation with X on Saturday night (which he initiated) was definitely somewhat awkward. I want to act like everything is a-ok and normal, and at the same time, I think I still have a lot of anger towards him for treating me like crap so I DON’T want him to think that things are a-ok. I don’t doubt that the way X and his gf interact with each other has made it a bit easier for me to swallow this pill too, in conjunction with the fact that I finally see what an a** he is and just feel sorry for the girl that ends up with him. I don’t feel threatened by her or think that this relationship is going anywhere, which I can’t lie – makes it easier to take. But if that is the first baby step I have to take on the road to being “OK” when he DOES meet the right one, than it’s definitely a step in the right direction. My best friend C identified the light-bulb moment for me the other night when she said “You don’t have a relationship with X. You have a habit.” She couldn’t be more right. My “friendship” with him has been a habit; an addiction that I have had to WORK at breaking.  And although I’m not sure I’m 100% there yet, I’m definitely getting closer, which makes me hope that I’m closer to letting someone else in.

If you’ve ever been hit on…this is for you.

I hate email forwards. My friends and family know this, so whenever they DO send me one, I know it’s either pretty funny or pretty insightful. My brother sent me a great one today and since it relates to being single/finding guys, I had to post it. I feel two ways about it though. You either listen to this and think: “Thank GOD I’m still single instead of with some loser like this.” Or – “Oh Lord – is this what’s out there for me to choose from.”  Of course, as most email forwards are, this could be a total hoax – and for the sake of single girls everywhere, let’s hope it is!

The story is this:  a girl was out with friends having drinks on X street in (insert city here). This guy approaches her and won’t leave her alone -saying how cute she is. She finally gives in  and hands the guy her business card to get rid of him.  Below is an MP3 file of not one, but TWO voicemails this guy left. This goes down  in the history books – especially the second voice mail. After hearing them you can clearly see why she didn’t call him back – instead  she called in to the local morning radio show and had them play this on the air.
Ladies: this  is what’s out there…. So have a listen…laugh, and thank your lucky  stars you are either single, in a relationship, or not with this guy….

Dimitri The Stud

A song to lift your “single” spirits

I have been SWAMPED at work lately, so I haven’t had much time for blog writing. But – every day at work I hear this new Michael Buble song on the radio, and it instantly lifts my spirits and makes me want to sing along. The lyrics are sweet and hopeful for single people like me Enjoy!

Boo.

I hate going to work after a long weekend. Especially when it was as fun as this one was. Boo.

Summer at last!

Today was a great day. It’s the 5th of September and summer has FINALLY arrived in the city. It has been a long string of cold, dreary, wet weather – unusual for Ontario this time of year.

It’s amazing how much the weather can change our mood. The sun was shining when I woke up this morning. And instead of having a long, lazy sleep in like I usually do on the weekends, I forced myself to get up at a reasonable hour (9:00ish – VERY early for me on a weekend!) I got caught up online, enjoyed a cup of tea, some Eggo waffles and headed out around 10:30 am to get a haircut. The downtown was buzzing – people were out and about, and in a good mood. After getting my haircut, I ran to the mall to run some errands, and pick up some stuff for C’s Bachelorette party this weekend! Where I would have otherwise just been getting out of bed at about 12:00pm, I had already done a full morning of stuff and still had the whole day ahead! I spent a really nice relaxing afternoon at my parents’ place, catching up and lazing in the hammock with a good book while the sun worked on my skin. Afterwards, I headed over to C&A’s place and had a beer with A. on the balcony, before we went to pick up C. from work. Then, the three of us headed to a patio downtown for some dinner and drinks. Now, I’m waiting for my cousin M. to come over for some wine, girl talk and a movie…

It’s been a long time since I’ve been in this good of a mood, and X. is this far from my mind. I am SO excited that it finally feels like summer. Tomorrow, the plan is to head to the beach with a group of friends – throw around the frizbee and have a little Bocce tournament. It will be the first time all summer that I will have put on my bathing suit! And on Monday (holiday in Canada – yay!!) I’ll be catching up with my friend/co-worker J., who’s been away for two weeks (during my whole emotional crises!) She and I have a ton of catching up to do.

Sorry if this blog has read like an itinerary of my weekend, but the sun is shining, I’m in a great mood, and I had to share