a date, or not a date…that is the question

Ok – so here’s the thing. It’s not like I’m not dating – I’ve actually been on A LOT of first dates. Lots of blind dates, dates with people I’ve met randomly, and dates that I didn’t even know were dates! That brings me to the topic of this particular blog post. What defines a date??

A few months ago, an acquaintance of mine went on a travel adventure. When he left for his travels, he started a blog that I followed quite regularly. I told him that when he came back, I’d love to meet up for coffee to swap stories about his experiences and my own travel adventures.

Now, I know it sounds as though I initiated this, but there’s another piece of information that I have to leave you with. I have always been under the impression that this guy plays for the other team. It was never really a question for me, actually – just an assumption. So, you can understand how harmless I thought this coffee would be. And we had a great chat; drinking fancy coffee and sharing stories about our travels – but still – my mind never even went to a place where this would be anything more than two friends catching up. Until, he mentioned something about hoping he was going to find his “princess” during his adventures and was lamenting about how he didn’t really meet any special women on his trip. Having said all this, and even at that point, I still wasn’t convinced.

A week or so later, he. emailed me and said we should get together again soon. I put him off for a bit, disregarding that portion of his email when I replied, and going on about how busy I am right now. But then he asked again a few weeks later in another email and I thought, “fine.” Maybe he is just wanting to hang out as friends – we are in the same industry, know the same people and had a good time at coffee. What’s the harm in a game of mini-golf? I dressed down, wore minimal make-up and played it somewhat stand-offish. I realized as soon as I saw him, that he was under the impression that this was a date: he dressed like it was a date, wore cologne like it was a date, and acted like it was a date (a.k.a. nervous). But, we had a game of mini-golf and a beer, while I desperately played the disinterested card. There was no attempt at a kiss or anything “datish” so I started to feel as though maybe I HAD pegged the “date” thing wrong. Then, the next day, another email – he’d like to go out again! SHIT!

I know some of you are thinking, what’s the problem? Sounds like a nice guy, lots in common, obviously interested. But I can’t get past the fact that everytime I talk to him, I’m convinced he’s in the closet! It’s hard to avoid or pretend not to notice…to me, it’s pretty explicit. Two of my closest friends in the world are gay, and I’m pretty good with the radar. Not to mention the fact that I have no interest in him beyond having a friendship – no spark/chemistry whatsoever. (Maybe it has something to do with the gay thing?!)

So, what’s a girl to do?  A) continue to disregard the parts of his email that talk about getting together and hope he eventually gets the point, B) tell him I’m way too busy and take the risk that he’ll ask me again in a few weeks, or C) tell him (nicely) that I’m not interested in dating him. Were these even “dates”?  How do you know? What qualifies a “date?” No hand holding. No kissing. We alternated paying. No talk of past relationships. Who can tell anymore?

For now, I’ll be sitting on his email and not responding right away. I’m leaning towards my roommate’s advice which is option B – try to put it off and hope he gets the hint. But, option A is pretty appealing as well. I’m heading out for a long weekend at a friend’s cottage and don’t want to deal with this until I get back….maybe then I’ll have some perspective on what to do and/or my friends can give me some advice.

If you have any thoughts on the best course of action, please feel free to share!


2 Responses to “a date, or not a date…that is the question”

  1. 1 little a
    September 18, 2008 at 7:45 pm

    oh my! well, I wondered the same thing during my brief introduction to A. but sometimes, i guess it really is hard to tell? i’ll be following your blog from now on to see how everything goes!

    here’s a tip that worked for me: try reading at the north chapters/starbucks amongst all the studying 😉 people just seem to talk to you there! it’s like a bar…for the studious types…


  2. January 7, 2013 at 12:49 pm

    Its like you read my mind! You appear to know a
    lot about this, like you wrote the book in it or something.
    I think that you can do with some pics to drive
    the message home a bit, but instead of that, this is wonderful blog.

    An excellent read. I’ll certainly be back.

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