Waiting for ladybugs

You know how the littleist things about being single will get to you some days more than others? The other day I was wearing a Halloween costume (an old bridesmaid dress that I paired with a fake tiara) and I couldn’t reach the zipper to take it off. I was flying around my room with my hand behind my back trying to get myself unzipped and starting to feel seriously afraid that I was going to be stuck in the ugly purple dress until someone could come rescue me. And when I went to take out the garbage this week, it was particularly smelly (and overflowing), and all I could do was wish that there was someone else I could’ve asked to take it out. I also got new blinds for my room that have been sitting on my floor for over a week. Why? Because I need more than two hands to put them up. These small, seemingly insignificant things really make you long to have someone else around – a partner who can help, share things with you and unzip you when you’re stuck.

On some of these days when I feel particularly lonely, I like to watch the movie “Under the Tuscan Sun” – this movie saved me three months after my very first, heart-wrenching break-up and snapped me back into the land of the hopeful. Despite the most inspirational and optimistic parts of this movie, the part I find the hardest to put into practice is these few lines: “Listen, when I was a little girl, I used to spend hours looking for ladybugs. Finally, I’d just give up and fall asleep in the grass. When I woke up, they were crawling all over me.”

Now, I understand that this is the whole “Once you stop looking is when you’ll find him speech” that I get a lot. But someone explain to me how this is possible when you’re constantly being reminded of the fact that you’re single, are surrounded by couples, and are beyond the stage of actually enjoying your singleness? I think this was originally the point of my dating diet that seems to have gone awry. But to be honest, when you’re in that lonely space, how do you just…forget? When you’re told not to think about red balloons, you’re going to inevitably think about red balloons. So here I am, waiting for ladybugs – but trying to pretend that I’m not waiting or looking for ladybugs.

While I’ve been pretending ‘not’ to be waiting for ladybugs, I went on my second date with JD this week. The good news was that when I initially saw him, I thought he was cuter than I remembered. Although movies really aren’t the best avenue for getting to know someone, we still seemed to have lots to talk about before the movie started. I wasn’t feeling so well when we left and was having a hard time staying awake in the movie (despite that it was VERY good – highly recommend ‘W’) so I didn’t ask him to grab coffee or anything after. We left it that we would see each other at L’s charity event next week.

I’m still undecided on JD – is there a chemistry there? No – not really. But I enjoy conversation with him. Could there be potential for a connection? Maybe. Am I trying to make this into something it’s not because I’m lonely and JD is great? Maybe. I did end up sending him an email to say thanks for the movie and just asking what he’s up to this weekend. Not ready to ask for another date just yet but am keeping the lines of communication open I guess. If nothing else, I’m continuing to take this one slow. Boring, I know – I’m hoping that by the time I see him again on Friday night, I’ll know one way or another whether JD is a ladybug or not.


7 Responses to “Waiting for ladybugs”

  1. 1 niecey24
    November 5, 2008 at 11:17 am

    This entry is awesome! Loved reading it. In fact I would like to read it a couple more times it’s that good!!! Lol. Reminds me of a recent post I’ve written: http://todaystatus.wordpress.com/2008/10/31/boo-less-refugee/. Feel free to check out and comment.

  2. 2 maybeitiswhatithink
    December 3, 2008 at 11:00 pm

    Oh my God! this post is saying what I have always thought about being single..especially the part about “not looking”! I am glad somebody else thinks the same 🙂 I hope things work out with JD – if he is what you are looking for!

  3. December 3, 2008 at 11:04 pm

    Thanks Maybe! It’s always nice to know that others are thinking the same as me too 🙂

  4. November 5, 2011 at 2:28 am

    Aw, I found your page so randomly, and I absolutely loved this. I see you wrote this years ago, and have yet to see if you’ve written anything recently. I hope you’ve found happiness. I’m in this boat right now -and, ladybugs happen to signify so much to me. I love when you “accidentally” stumble upon something that relates so well with how you feel -thank you for this. 🙂

  5. 5 Single Girl
    November 14, 2011 at 4:50 pm

    Aw, thanks for writing Jenna. Glad you liked it. Have not written in quite some time….have been dealing with a lot this year, but hope to get back at it soon. Hope you’ll visit again!

  6. 6 Katlynn
    June 6, 2012 at 1:13 am

    this will be forever relevant. I love this. It’s so true.

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