24
Nov
08

Close the door and open a window

Closure.

Those few little words at the end of any resemblance of a relationship that bear so much significance. The words that you want to hear, just as badly as you dread to hear them. And how many of us never get it? I’m sure I never had closure with my ex b/c we never stopped talking or seeing each other after we broke up. But, I’m still waiting for ‘closure’ on my last crush, which is likely the reason I still can’t get him out of my head. His actions (well, “inactions” rather) speak louder than words that there’s nothing more to talk about – whatever we had, or didn’t have,  is done. However, until you actually hear the words, it’s hard to let go of that teeny, tiny bit of hope that there’s even the slightest, unlikely chance that things could change. And as much as I claim to want closure, and although it would be easy for me to ask him flat out what the deal is, sometimes NOT getting the closure is easier. It’s a catch-22 really; the double-edge sword; the no-win situation. We all claim to want it, convinced that we’ll feel better afterwards, but not having the closure leaves that little bit of hope…

A message to the ‘close-ees’: When the closer finally works up the courage, and gets to that ever so difficult stage where there’s no other possible way to move on without it, give them the closure. Say the actual words. As difficult as it may be for you, and as much as you don’t want to hurt her feelings, don’t dance around the subject – just give her a clear answer. Because at the end of the day, I DO truly believe that as much as it may sometimes hurt, people want to hear the truth. And you know what? We’ll be OK – we’re not going to fall apart and give up on life if you say you’re not interested.

windowAnd to the ‘closers’? Don’t be afraid to ask for it. Don’t waste the space in your heart for someone who doesn’t want it or deserve it. And as much as you want to hold onto that hope by avoiding the ‘What’s going on with us/you?’ question, recognize that the only way you’ll be able to move on, is to get that clear answer. Close the door and open a window for someone else to come in.

Now, obviously I should be taking my own advice but everyone reading this knows that this kind of stuff is much easier said than done. On a much lesser scale, I wish that I had done the ‘closure’ thing with the last guy I went on a date with before JD. After three dates, it was obvious that C. was way more into me than I was into him, and while I started to give off the ‘disinterested’ vibe and he stopped calling, I never had that ‘closure’ conversation with him. When I ran into him briefly a few weeks ago, the awkwardness was palpable- as was my guilt for not just giving him the “Let’s just be friends” speech.

So – I plan to practice what I preach and am giving myself a one-week deadline to have the “closure” chat with JD. I don’t think this will be too difficult, given that I’ve heard from L. that JD and I seem to be on the same page with feeling the lack of chemistry – a HUGE relief. And I would encourage anyone else who’s reading this blog to let the breeze in the window and seek that closure that you know you need to move on – you know who you are 🙂

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