07
Jan
09

Always a bridesmaid…

uglydressI know many of you gals out there will be able to relate to this post. I spent the last weekend of my holiday ‘bridesmaidsing’ for my cousin, who just got married at the age of 37. Her husband is fantastic and I couldn’t be happier for her. Never mind the fact that I had to wear a halter bridesmaid dress in the middle of a Canadian Winter! But – this was the 5th bridesmaid dress for me. (Between four of us bridesmaids and the bride, we’d been in almost 50 weddings!) And the longer I’m single, the harder it gets NOT to be envious of those who are lucky enough to have found someone that they truly want to spend the rest of their lives with.

Don’t get me wrong, I am always honoured when people want me to be part of their day. I pride myself on being a good friend, and it means a lot to me that people value my friendship that much. Everyone I have stood up for has been someone who means the world to me. Aside from the sometimes emotionally difficult parts of the day, it’s always a fun experience and I never regret it or wish I wasn’t part of it. As flattering as it is to participate in so many weddings, I’m finding it difficult now that all of my closest friends seem to be getting married within a really short time frame – a year and a half to be exact – three couples, and my cousin. Inevitably, whenever I get together with this group of friends, talk usually turns to the latest updates on the wedding planning process, cost comparisons and dress dramas. It was OK for awhile, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t kind of tired of talking about other people’s weddings….and the talk seems to go on, and on, and on….anytime I try and change the topic, somehow we get back to wedding planning again.

The thing I hate the most is that I feel guilty for feeling this way. My friends SHOULD be able to talk about their weddings and compare stories – it’s super exciting times for them and it’s really not about me. Sometimes, I just wish they’d recognize how long and how much they talk about it, and that it’s difficult for me because I can’t relate. My saving grace is my best friend C. She tends to be quite in tune with my emotions, and can usually tell when I’m hitting my limit. She can always be counted on to engage me in another conversation or to change the subject when group wedding talk gets out of hand. Probably because she’s one of the very few who truly knows my emotional struggles and feelings about being single. I will be her Maid of Honour in October and I can’t wait. We are truly having a fun time planning everything, and I’m so happy I can be there for her – she keeps me involved always, and knows that our one-on-one wedding talk is much more fun and less overwhelming for me. And at the end of the day, it really isn’t about me – I just want her to have the best day possible. Shout-out C! Love ya.

As crazy and ‘desperate’ as this might sound – and as much as I don’t want to admit it – I don’t want to be 37 when I get married. uglydress21I admire and and envy the single women who are A-OK being 30-something, or 40-something and single. I hope I will be able to get there. For those who are there, what’s the secret to accepting it and being happy? But in the mean time, I wish that I could partciapte in all this wedding stuff at the same time as my friends. I feel like by the time it’s my turn, they’ll have too many other thing going on in their lives (kids, careers, homes, husbands etc.) that the experience won’t be the same for me as it was for them. Right now, the whole getting married thing is new and fun – by the time it’s my turn, it feels like it will be old hat. The thing is, I’m only 27! So why do I feel like I’m behind?

This is a sob story post if ever I’ve seen one, but if you can’t share the miseries of being single with other single girls, then who can you share with? 🙂 With that, I’m off to embrace my inner bridesmaid with a viewing of 27 Dresses.

P.S. Update to my last post – C. and I had the best New Year’s. We made a super fancy meal (including rack of lamb and fondue) and enjoyed champagne, great girl chat and a really memorable night. I hope that all of you enjoyed a wonderful New Year’s and wish you happy singledom in 2009!

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