a note to myself

reminderI am making this very quick note to myself and putting it out in public (so I guess it’s not really to myself….)

I just got off the phone with S. to plan our second date for tomorrow night. I officially have a somewhat excited feeling about it. I’m just documenting this feeling in writing so I can remember it when I start to ‘doubt’ how I feel about the situation or S. The ‘doubt’ being fear of course. Fear of being disappointed, fear of being hurt again, fear of being rejected, fear of falling to hard, fear of HIM falling too hard….and using that as an excuse to convince myself that I don’t like him.

When you have been single for 5 years and have only crushed on unavailable people during that time, you forget what it feels like to like someone, and it starts to be scary when you do (at least for me).  I find myself trying to stop my feelings from going too far by curbing my optimism and excitement. I forget what it feels like to be in a relationship. To crush on someone. Sometimes I feel like I actually forget how to do it!!?? Isn’t that crazy??

Anyway – this excitment tends to be fleeting with me, which again, is why I’m documenting it in this particular moment. Stay tuned.


4 Responses to “a note to myself”

  1. 1 Mom
    March 17, 2009 at 1:02 am

    Your fear should not get in the way of your happiness!! Push it aside and enjoy the moment, you deserve it. Look at your past experiences as stepping stones to finding a great relationships. And who knows, this may be just what your looking for so don’t let fear take over. Love you!!

  2. 2 aashton
    March 17, 2009 at 1:49 pm

    I agree with Mom! Just enjoy yourself on the date! And you are at your best when you are a bit excited about things…that passion is part of who you are! Embrace the feeling and don’t fight it! Have fun!

  3. 3 missmidori
    March 17, 2009 at 5:30 pm

    I’m really excited for you, and I totally understand where you’re coming from.

    I’m used to self-sabotaging myself as well; there’ve been times when love was just around the corner, but I let fear get the better of me. I’ve always regreted it.

    I hope you just enjoy what you’re feeling right now, and if you do feel scared, I hope you have the guts to jump! – both feet out!

  4. 4 Niecey C
    March 20, 2009 at 2:11 pm

    How exciting!!!! Can’t wait to hear more 🙂

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