15
Jun
09

the single girl’s best friend

Diamonds may be a girl’s best friend, but the Single Girl’s best friend? Gay men.

Let me preface the following by saying that this post is based solely on my experiences with my own gay friends (G&W) and their friends, so I’m not saying that everyone’s experiences are the same. But, I was hanging out with G&W and their friends the other night, and it dawned on me just how good I feel about myself when I’m around them. They are fun, inclusive, accepting, kind, open and honest. Sometimes I don’t realize that I’m not being myself the rest of the time I’m not with them, until I AM around them and realize that I feel like I can be 100% myself.

Why is that?

Well, hanging out with my gay friends is really the best of both worlds. Not only do I feel loved and appreciated by them (which I don’t really seem to get from other men outside of family), but there’s also no pretense for having to impress, or watch what I say, or get nervous about how I am coming off – I’m not really self-conscious about anything. And I know that there’s not going to be an awkward situation where one of us likes the other one more than someone else, or I have to worry about whether or not “he likes me” – because – he doesn’t! I also think it’s because the gay population has endured centuries (and is still enduring, to this day) the need to shed off judgment, deal with discrimination and do their own thing despite what everyone else thinks.  So for that reason, they are comfortable being 100% themselves and it is contagious for everyone else around them to be 100% themselves too.

Even when we women hang out with other women – there always seems to be a subtle, underlying sense of competition or self-consciousness – especially when you’re talking to the pretty-put-together ones and you feel completely inadequate. My gay friends give me the comfort and approval I’m looking for from a man, and yet I don’t have to deal with the drama that comes along with being around other women, or the insecurities that come from trying to ‘impress’ straight men.

Believe it or not, it was one of my gay acquaintances who actually made me feel more desirable than any other man ever has before, when he said to me once: “If I wasn’t gay, I’d be all over you like a fat kid to chocolate.” (Ok – so it’s less than romantic, but it made me feel good nonetheless.)

So, if you don’t have any good gay friends, I encourage you to go out and befriend some. Based on my own experience, it seems that having to constantly deal with discrimination and judgement makes this group particularly sympathetic and accepting to those who feel different or insecure. G & W are two of my best friends in the entire world, and I hope you are lucky enough to find those men in your life (gay OR straight) who make you feel as appreciated as they do for me.

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