I have been significantly MIA lately. Mostly because I’ve been making a conscious effort NOT to think about dating. It kills me when people always tell single folks: “As soon as you stop thinking about it, BAM!” – because I don’t know about the rest of you, but when I’m trying not to think about it, I’m thinking about it. And when I’m surrounded by people who aren’t single, I’m thinking about it. So really…I’m ALWAYS thinking about it. Nonetheless, I’ve gone back on the dating diet. More-so because I’m just starting to lose hope a little, and I’m not really sure what else to do…it takes a lot of effort to stay positive about the dating scene when the single men that you DO meet make you go: “Really? Is this what I have to choose from?”
It brings me to the point of this blog. How much work should dating really be? How much effort should one really have to put into finding someone? I’ve done the online dating thing (more than once). I’ve done speed dating. I’ve spread the word to friends about my willingness to be set-up (to the point where I even feel like I’m being annoying and obnoxious), and have been on numerous blind dates. I try to put myself in situations where I can meet new people. I’ve done the bar scene. How many more avenues do I need to exhaust? Everyone says there are good single guys out there – and I believe there are but – how hard should one have to work to find them??? Are us singe girls at a point where we have to make our dating life a full-time job, if we really want to be committed to finding someone? I know an ex-colleague who admitted to quitting her job (where I worked) and moving to the “big city” – because she wanted to meet someone. And you know what? That was two years ago, and she is still single. I mean…is this something I actually need to e thinking about?? Moving just to meet someone? And I wouldn’t say I live in a ‘small town’ either. I have simply gotten to the point where I’m starting to wonder if there’s anything more I can really do. I feel like I’ve exhausted a lot of avenues, and it’s just not happening for me – for whatever reason. I’m starting to wish that an answer would just shoot down from the sky – am I supposed to be somewhere at a certain time to meet the man of my dreams? Did I say ‘no’ to an event and miss the opportunity all together? Was there someone else I was supposed to befriend, who would have introduced us? Am I not at the job I’m supposed to be at for meeting the right person? Am I not living in the right city where I’m eventually supposed to meet my dream guy? I am thoroughly starting to understand why people participate in shows like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette – great, successful, hand-picked guys, just for you, from all over the country. But – is this where we’re at? Single girls needed to compete on reality shows just to find a guy? Man….
And the longer I’m single, the more lonely I get. And the more lonely I get, the more I get into the living on my own/no-one else to think about/single girl routine – and that scares the crap out of me. Because the more I get comfortable with having my own life, doing my own thing, having my own routine – the more I’m scared that I won’t be able to adjust to having someone else in it – and I’ll be self-consciously afraid of letting anyone new into my life and comfort zone. I’m already scared that I’ve been so incredibly hurt and rejected by a particular handful of guys in my life that I’ll never let myself feel that for anyone again – and what if that’s why I’m still single? That sub-consciously, my heart just can’t survive the hurt again and therefore is not letting me “go there” with anyone new. How do you get past something like that, especially when that risk always exists in any potential relationship? So really – will I ever be able to let myself ‘go there’ again? Will it ever matter how hard I work at finding someone, because the result will still be the same? I don’t know…..I feel like all that leaves me with is the need to give up and stop trying – so let the dating diet continue.