Archive for the 'Dates' Category

03
Dec
10

Seriously!? Seriously.

There should be a book of etiquette for dating. Seriously.

I was on another unofficial dating diet over the summer. Not only was I super busy and preoccupied by the newest love of my life (B&C had a little baby boy in June who has completely stolen my heart), but I also was feeling no urge to deal with all the annoying discouragement that often accompanies the process of online dating (which is feeling like the ONLY opportunity to meet any single men these days).

But in early Fall with some encouragement from my folks, I DID end up giving eHarmony another go. And shortly before my 3-month subscription expired, I started corresponding with this guy who was super cute, and who I seemed to really hit it off with. We had tons in common, and for the first time in my entire online dating experience, I found myself being really excited to get an email from him and was eager to meet in person. And when we did? He was JUST as cute in person as in his pictures and we had a really fun date, with lots to talk about. T. seemed a little full of himself and there were some other very minor red flags raised but I enjoyed his company and was looking forward to another date.

T. continued to text, call and email me over the next few days – but in our conversations, he never said anything about getting together again. So, taking matters into my own hands, I proposed another date and we met for a movie. T. held my hand during the movie and was being really sweet. But when we went out for coffee after, I got the vibe that he wasn’t really…’there’. He kept looking around, and just didn’t seem that interested in what I was saying. I left slightly confused but nonchalant about it – I enjoyed our date and was willing to go out again, but if he didn’t call – I wasn’t going to be crushed either. I got the sense that T. was not someone I was destined to have a serious relationship with but we seemed to be enjoying each other’s company, he made me laugh, and he was the first guy I had dated in…..years….who didn’t make me want to run the other way if he tried to hold my hand or kiss me. I was heading on vacation for a week and a half and figured I’d just see what happened.

To my surprise, T continued to keep in touch and went on about what a great time he’d had on our date (Me thinking: REALLY!? Were we on the same date?) But – cool – I thought. I got in touch when I was back from vacay, and we made a date for the Friday of the following week. T. implied that he was eager to see me – even though it was ME who had to, once again, initiate making the actual date. I was going away for a long weekend and he was going to be travelling on business during the week so it was a week and half before we would see each other again.

Well, did I ever hear from T again? NOPE. After sending one text and one Facebook message over the week we wouldn’t see each other, I never heard anything back. And when Friday rolled around for our date? NADA. I was slightly disappointed because even though I wasn’t pining for T., I WAS kind of looking forward to a fun little fling. It has been SO LONG since I’ve had ANY kind of feeling for ANY guy so I was kind of willing to go with the flow on this one….

But seriously!? You initiate all of our conversations, say you’re disappointed that it will be so long before you see me and yet stand me up for a date with no explanation at all and stop returning ANY of my messages!? What an ass. If you’re not interested in me, that’s fine. I’m not all that interested in you either! But at least have the courtesy and manners to have SOME kind of communication with me. Make up an excuse for crying out loud! I don’t even care! But at least acknowledge that we went on a couple of dates and you led on as though you were interested. No matter how few dates I’ve gone on with someone, I ALWAYS make that difficult contact letting them know I’m not interested. The least he could do was make up a lie!

But….

Imagine my surprise when T. caught me off guard while I was in the car early this week – calling me to “see how things were going.” Did he acknowledge that he got my message(s)? Yep. Did he apologize for not responding? No. Did he acknowledge missing our date? No. He went on as though NOTHING had happened and that it HADN’T been two weeks since we’d talked! Had I had access to caller ID while driving I would NOT have answered the phone. But, maybe it was better this way because the conversation was certainly awkward and I purposefully let there be awkward silence. I was just so stunned that he didn’t even acknowledge the fact that he had all but ignored me for two weeks. He talked about how he’d been commuting, but come on buddy – you have a Blackberry for crying out loud. And I had seen him active on Facebook throughout the week so I KNEW he’d gotten that message.

Needless to say, I got out of the conversation quickly and I doubt I’ll be hearing from him again. Fine by me. I can acknowledge when someone is not into me and I’m a firm believer in listening to the advice in “He’s Just Not That Into You” (Yes, I’m a big supporter of this book – because all of this advice has proven to be true!) And a guy who can’t even come up with some kind of creative excuse as for why he hasn’t called or doesn’t have the kahonas to even respond to my phone calls or texts, is not even worth the fling.

Adios T…..on to the next….sigh.

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23
Aug
09

So, last night…

TimeTravellersWife…I took myself on a date to the movies. My friends had already seen the movie I wanted to see, and I couldn’t for the life of me get a hold of someone who didn’t already have plans for a Saturday night so I figured…what the heck. Going to the movies by yourself can be quite liberating (albeit I don’t recommend going to a romantic movie alone on a Saturday night like I did), but the trick is to get there right when the movie starts. That way, it’s dark, and you don’t feel like people are staring at you wondering why you’re at the movies alone.

On that note, I’m sorry to hear these words come out of my mouth but – don’t see the Time Traveler’s Wife. But most DEFINITELY read the book. It’s exceptional. If you see the movie, you won’t want to read the book, and then you’ll really be missing out. It’s great writing, romance and suspense at it’s finest, but the movie did not translate well to the screen at all (even though I LOVE Rachel McAdams and Eric Bana). Hope this saves you some money on a movie ticket.

28
Mar
09

I’m just not that into you

Yes, I’ve been MIA. To be honest, just haven’t felt like writing lately. I wish I could say it’s because I fell madly in love with S. and have been spending every waking minute with him….

Yeah. That didn’t happen.

Sure, things looked promising after our first date. Although looking back, I think I was more wrapped up in the fact that I went on a blind date with someone who could actually carry a conversation and had something in common with me – my expectations for blind dates have been so low that anything above having to carry a conversation all by myself, started to seem like long-term potential. S. is a very nice guy – and he’s wonderful….for someone else.

I’m starting to understand why men sometimes say that women can be hypocrites. We say we want one thing, and then when we get it, we don’t want it anymore. This is what happened with S. After our first date, S. was clearly very interested in me…he texted me a lot. He emailed a lot. He kept dropping the ‘we’ and talking about things we could do in the summer, down the road etc. What girl doesn’t want a guy who is attentive? Who calls when he says he’s going to? Who thinks about me? Although I found it a little bit much so early, I could see that he was interested and of course, was flattered.

On our second date though – it definitely got to be too much. He was almost a completely different person. Very excited to see me, agreed with everything I said, was proposing things for the future, wanted to hug/touch me a lot, etc, etc. All of this was 100% harmless – I’m making him sound like an obsessed stalker, which he definitely wasn’t. As my friend A. told me, “You don’t want a guy who’s been around the block too much. This is just his ‘lack of game.'” Well – maybe true, but I immediately started pulling away because it was starting to make me very uncomfortable and I was feeling incredible pressure. I was nowhere near that interested in him, and even though he came on strong, I’m not sure that after our second date things would have been any different even if he hadn’t. Our conversation was still a lot of surface talk and felt strained at times. He obviously didn’t think so, and went as far as to propose a day trip for our third date – that was kind of the nail in the coffin for me, and I told him flat out that I thought it was a bit soon for that. I did agree to a third dinner date, where he seemed to back off a bit (I think the was starting to get the hint), but it was too late at this point and I didn’t feel an attraction (or even desire to spend more time with him) whatsoever.

I am  looking for a guy who has his own opinions and own mind, and will take charge once and awhile. This is DEFINITELY not S. Everytime I tried to get him to make a decision about what we should do, where we should go, what movie we should see, where we should go for coffee etc….he always left it up to me. That might be for some people, but it’s not for me. I appreciate he wanted my input, but even when I would put it back on him, he always wanted to do whatever my preference was. As an independent, single women, I make those decisions and take control in every other aspect of my life – all on my own. I guess that’s why I’m looking for someone who will take that over once and awhile…

What sucks about all of this, is that I had told my friends, co-workers (also my friends) and family about this date – it seemed to be the most promising out of all the ones I’d been on. And when things didn’t work out? I felt awful. Because I know that they all care about me, and want me to meet someone great that will make me happy. And everytime I go on a date and it doesn’t work out, I feel like I’m disappointing people.  I hated that I was going to have to go back and tell everyone that once again, I didn’t feel anything for someone. The same ‘he’s good on paper’ line that I have fed to them over, and over, and over. I’m starting to think that they might think I’m crazy. That I’m absolutely incapable of ever feeling that for someone – that I don’t think anyone is ‘good enough’ for me. And the scariest part about that, is that I’m starting to wonder if it’s true. Am I so messed up emotionally and mentally that I subconciously can’t allow myself to go there with anyone? Have I been single for so long, and gotten so used to being on my own that I don’t know how to incorporate someone else into my life? Or don’t…want to? Has my relationship/friendship with X, and my disappointment with my last crush made me completely incapable of trusting that someone might not hurt me? I just feel like I’m never going to have those feelings for anyone else again and it makes me just want to give up and stop trying.

So, I just wasn’t that into him. And although it was weird being on the other side of that equation (and finally ‘getting it’ – that book/movie makes so much more sense now because I was SO the guy in this situation), it’s hard to wonder if I’ll EVER be that into ‘him’….

16
Mar
09

a note to myself

reminderI am making this very quick note to myself and putting it out in public (so I guess it’s not really to myself….)

I just got off the phone with S. to plan our second date for tomorrow night. I officially have a somewhat excited feeling about it. I’m just documenting this feeling in writing so I can remember it when I start to ‘doubt’ how I feel about the situation or S. The ‘doubt’ being fear of course. Fear of being disappointed, fear of being hurt again, fear of being rejected, fear of falling to hard, fear of HIM falling too hard….and using that as an excuse to convince myself that I don’t like him.

When you have been single for 5 years and have only crushed on unavailable people during that time, you forget what it feels like to like someone, and it starts to be scary when you do (at least for me).  I find myself trying to stop my feelings from going too far by curbing my optimism and excitement. I forget what it feels like to be in a relationship. To crush on someone. Sometimes I feel like I actually forget how to do it!!?? Isn’t that crazy??

Anyway – this excitment tends to be fleeting with me, which again, is why I’m documenting it in this particular moment. Stay tuned.

14
Mar
09

cautious optimism

So I had a date on Thursday night. I hadn’t mentioned it in my blog, because I was sure it would be another disappointment – following the same pattern of other blind dates/guys I had met online.  Imagine my surprise when I actually enjoyed this date! I wouldn’t say the sparks were flying, but there is definitely potential, which is more than I can say for the rest of my dates.

Unlike other guys I had met online, I actually communicated with this guy for about two weeks via email before we decided to meet. Usually, it would be 2-3 emails and then coffee. I think this was a much better way to go, because we got to know a lot more about each other and the more I found out about him, the more I liked him and was curious to meet. It was hard not to get excited about the date, because he sounded fantastic – super nice, lots of questions and we seemed to have a lot in common. But I was worried that what seeemed good ‘on paper’ wouldn’t transate in person. Luckily, it did. We had great conversation, lots to say, lots in common and although the physical attraction wasn’t super strong – I do think he’s cute. To-date, probably the best blind date I’ve been on. We had already planned our second date before we finished our first! And – would you believe that today is my birthday, and S. (my date) was the first one to call me today and wish me a happy birthday? Hmmmm….:)

Now it’s up to me not to get freaked out that this could actually be something – provided that connection/spark starts to grow. Thank goodness I listened to my best friend C. and avoided the Starbucks first date like all of my other blind dates – maybe it made my luck start to turn….I’m cautiously optimistic.

01
Feb
09

Buyer’s Remorse

It’s only been a few days and already, I’m experiencing buyer’s remorse from my eHarmony membership.

You know when you get drunk and end up with a really, really bad hangover? When you have your head in the toilet and you’re repeating to yourself “I’m never drinking alcohol again”, and thinking that you’d give absolutely anything to make your nausea and pounding headache go away? I’m one of those people who actually remembers that feeling. That’s why I rarely get drunk – I know that I’m going to regret it the next day and be wishing I’d never done it.

Well – the same goes for online dating. After giving it a shot for 6 months, I told myself that I wasn’t going through that again. Sorting through all the ‘matches’ (although few of them seem like matches at all), the emailing back and forth with the same questions over and over, the awkward first date with the small talk conversation, and then the awkward ‘do we, or do we not want to see each other again’ half-conversation. And so far, it hasn’t been worth it, and I can’t even say I’ve really learned anything from the experience(s). Last time, I promised myself that I was done with online dating. I know that many people have found it to be fun, and successful – but my instincts just tell me that this is not the way I’m meant to meet someone. Not because I’m ‘above’ online dating, or that I don’t think it works – but I just don’t feel like it’s the right avenue for me.

But – here I am, going through it again. And so far, the matches I’ve been sent (more than a dozen) are not promising and I remember why I promised myself I wasn’t going to do it again. I find myself saying “Well, he doesn’t sound terrible….so I guess so.” Or “I guess he sounds…alright.” Granted it’s only been a few days, but I went through this for six months before and I just feel like I’m settling for meeting guys who are just…’OK’. Not that there seems to be anything… wrong with any of them….but I feel like they’re just not matches for me…Maybe this makes me sound snobby or arrogant (as perhaps “Anona” would agree) but I don’t care…my blog = my thoughts, and that’s just how I feel. My best friend C. reminded me tonight that I should just look at this as something fun, and stop taking it so seriously. Heck, I don’t even have to keep checking my matches if I don’t want to – C. has committed to keeping me tuned to anyone who is not to be missed. So, since I’m paid up for the next three months, I’ll take her up on it and just try to forget about it.

In other news, an emotional blow today in finding out that my ‘last crush’ (as he’s come to be known in this blog) is now engaged. This shook me up, as I was not at all expecting it, having no idea that he was even seeing anyone. We hadn’t had any communication in months, and although we’re connected in several different ways (via work colleagues and our parents) I had no idea he was no longer single. As shocked as I am, I can’t say I’m surprised as I knew someone like him wouldn’t stay single for long – I was surprised he was even single when I met him. In the short time we were seeing each other, I could see what a kind, genuine and sincere guy he was. Ambitious, family-oriented, fun and just enjoyable to be around. I’ve never gone into the details of this crush in my blog because…well..I never felt for anyone the way I felt for him… and I guess I just wanted to keep it for myself. Truth be told, I was convinced that us not being together was purely a timing thing, and that down the road – it was a possibility. I had never fallen so instantly for someone and had it be mutual – the chemistry AND everything else I always new I wanted in someone. Even in my last relationship, I can’t say I was always 100% secure in how X felt about me….but with this one, it was just easy…and natural…and I never doubted he felt it too. Long story short: the timing wasn’t right and the distance between us (geographically) wasn’t allowing it to work. But needless to say, I had fallen hard – and quick. Very unlike me, which is why I think I thought it might have been something more…

In all fairness, C. reminded me that I never really had the chance to get to know all of him – and that by knowing all these wonderful things about him in a short period of time, I never had the opportunity to learn the ‘not-good’ things; the things that obviously meant he wasn’t the one for me. So, I put him up on a pedestal and haven’t looked down since. Now I’m forced to get closure on it…to give it up. And it sucks. A lot. And I’m crushed. And I’ve had a good long cry, and probably will again. And that’s just how it is. Thank goodness I have a vacay this week to take my mind off things….

P.S. To my best friend C. – thanks for saying all the right things. Love you!

31
Jan
09

e-harmonizing

So I bit the bullet and renewed my membership with eHarmony. What’s the harm, I suppose. This time I got two of my best friends (thanks C. and L.) to look at my profile and review some of my matches. Both agreed that what I wrote about myself was “accurate and honest” so I guess we’ll see what happens. I’m trying really hard not to have any expectations from this (is that an oxy-moron?) but of course, it’s difficult. The whole point of signing up for online dating is to….date. And the whole point of dating is to find someone you like and want to spend time with. So, I don’t believe that anyone signs up with NO expectations at all.

I know that eHarmony claims to match on 29 dimensions of compatibility – but I’m not really sure about that. Although the info I had to fill out was pretty extensive, sometimes I find I have nothing more in common with the matches that get sent to me, than age and location. Some people hardly fill out anything in their profile, and because you select answers for some of the questions, I find that a lot of the matches all start sounding the same and no one really stands out. I guess this is where I might have to rely on my friends and family, and I’m happy to turn over the responsibility of going through all those matches.

I don’t know if my timing was the greatest because I’m leaving this week for a Caribbean vacay with B & C. Yes – I’m going on vacation with my married friends but what’s a single girl to do? 🙂 I know we’ll have a great time and I’m not worried about the third wheel thing, b/c I never feel like that with B& C. The best part is we will be spending the dreaded V-day with two of my closest friends (G&W) in Florida, so the five of us are going out for dinner. C. reminded me that we spent last Valentine’s Day with G&W too and had a blast, so I know this year will be no different.  I’m simply looking forward to getting away from this Canadian winter and into some sunshine. I’ll have to put my friends C. and L. on online dating watch while I’m gone – who knows what kind of eharmony matches will be waiting for me when I get back?  🙂

Also, another addition to my Single Girl’s Survival List:

14. I haven’t had my legs waxed in 6 weeks (waiting for my trip) and no one cares but me!




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