It’s official. My friends are married. I am now the only single in our group of 9. C&A’s wedding was absolutely beautiful – stunning. And I had a ton of fun. It also marked my last (and 6th) duty as a bridesmaid/maid of honour. It’s a lot of work and time being in a wedding, but the day-of is always so much fun. So, as excited as I am to be done with the stress of the costs and planning, it’s strange not to have a wedding to look forward to being in. Actually, for the first time in I don’t know how long, I don’t have ANY weddings on my calendar – none to be in, and none to go to. I think my bank account could use the break 🙂
Of course, now that these weddings are over – all talk has turned to babies. I didn’t think it would happen so fast, but the couples that I know have been together for a long time (since high-school for most of them), and many of them living together for awhile so they don’t see the need to wait. As excited as I am for my friends to start this part of their lives, it’s hard not to feel like they’ve set sail on a ship that I’m not on; like I’m on a completely different ship, going in the opposite direction.
As bad as this might sound, I was actually looking forward to getting back to our ‘normal’ lives and conversations again – we’ve had three weddings in our group in the last year and a half, so there’s been a lot of wedding talk. A LOT. Don’t get me wrong – I enjoyed helping two of my best friends plan their weddings. But, I find it difficult sometimes to continually have conversations about things that don’t apply to me, or that I can’t contribute to. Already, talk has turned to the dos and don’ts of pregnancy, getting pregnant, having babies etc, etc so it feels like the cycle is starting all over again.
As a 27 year-old single woman, I want to talk about the dos and don’ts of dating, and work, and careers and travel – so I can’t help but feel like I’m at a completely different life stage than the rest of my friends. I love going out with my single girlfriends (the two that I have!) We have much more in common, and share similar stories and can relate to each other – not just about being single, but about our interests, our plans, our jobs etc. The good thing is that I’m content with that – I don’t want to get married right now. I don’t want to be pregnant. I don’t want to be at that life stage yet. I want do the ‘single things’ now, and save the other stuff for later; there’s still plenty of time for me to do all that. But it scares me – because I’m afraid that these differences in interests, and life stages and conversations are going to separate me from my other, very close friends. Because as happy as I am for them, it’s difficult. It’s difficult to feel like I’m behind – when really – I’m not! But they now have all these shared experiences in common, and I don’t. And while I can’t imagine not being there when the babies start arriving, I’m feeling a little left out; like the rest of them will have these common bonds and experiences that I can’t share in. I’m sure my fears are unwarranted, but it’s hard to say what will happen – friends have gone their separate ways over much less. Funny part is, I don’t have this fear about my relationships with each couple individually; I only find it difficult when we’re all in a group and talking about this kind of stuff.
Safe to say, the relationship dynamics of our group will probably change – but here’s hoping that my friends will let me take a sail on their boat once and awhile, and hopefully they’ll want to sail on mine.