Posts Tagged ‘books


Girls Night

So, the problem with trying to write a blog about my single life is that when there’s not much going on – there’s not much to write about! And while I wouldn’t really call it a ‘dry’ spell that I’m going through, I would say that I’m definitely trying to take a step back from focusing on my dating life so much, and just concentrate on myself (that sounds like such a cliche but – I think I need it). So – although I will certainly continue to write about my thoughts on being single (I still have many – they may just be fewer and far between), you may find that my posts might be more about random things going on in my life that I want to share.

For example…

Tonight I had a really fun girl’s night out. It wasn’t anything extravagant – I didn’t get super dressed up, and we didn’t have a crazy night on the town. But me and my best friend C. got together with another acquaintance of ours, who we actually met through B & C., and it was so nice spending some time with a new friend! S. has been a good friend of B&C for quite some time, and I have always enjoyed spending time with both her and her fiancee when we’ve all hung out. They’re both just really great, lovely people. S and C’s fiances work together, and were getting together for boy’s night. So – C. and I invited S. along for our own girl’s night out. We had a great dinner with lots of good conversation, and then went to see the movie “Julie/Julia.” FANTASTIC! Meryl Streep is exceptional in this movie and it’s the perfect movie to see with your girlfriends. In addition, the company was particularly nice tonight. I spend a lot of time hanging out with couples (friends whom I love) – but tonight reminded me of how much I also love just spending time with the girls; something every Single Girl needs to do on a regular basis. It also reminded me of how nice it can be when you discover the potential for new friendships. I’m still learning (in more recent months) that friendships can be unpredictable and are subject to change. However, with those changes comes the potential for letting new people into your life, and who knows what could come of that?! Anyway, I plan to make an effort to a) have more girls nights out, and b) spend more time getting to know S. and her fiancee.

While I’m making plans, let’s also say that I’m going to make an effort to blog more regularly! If I eliminate the need to simply write about my single life, maybe I’ll surprise myself by getting distracted from it all together – and wouldn’t that be nice! Call it a step in my “X Rehab Plan” (We’ll see though…my singleness does tend to be the thought that occupies my mind the most).

Stay tuned…

P.S. I have just finished the book The Time Traveler’s Wife. I was determined to finish reading it before the movie comes out in a few weeks. AMAZING!! If you’re looking for a good, romantic read, check this one out. But – hang in there for the first 100 pages – it gets much better/easier to follow! You can check out a few more of my book recommendations here.


Is he, or isn’t he?

I have to tell you. From the moment I heard Greg Behrendt speak on Oprah about his book “He’s Just Not That Into You” – I was a total believer. I had been in many of the situations that he spoke about, and I was just like the girls in the book: analyzing every word of every conversation some guy ever spoke to me, and trying to figure out what it all meant. For all the time I spent trying to convince myself that these guys really were “that into me”, I’m surprised that I had never grasped the concept before – that if he really cared, he would make it clear. Needless to say, I bought the book and have been a true believer in this concept every since…until now.

oprahHaving said that, it’s one thing to believe it and an entirely different thing to live it. I think the reason why women continue to over-analyze is because we know we’re not getting the answer we want. We want to think of every single scenario, other than the fact that the guy we like, might not like us too. And I’ve been there, many times….

But – here’s my beef.

I have rarely known guys who are that early in the game (and it IS a game) – to mean what they say, and say what they mean.

I have met guys who I was 100% sure were into me. And next thing you know, I find myself questioning how I could have possibly misread the “signs” – and then I’m questioning every single guy from here on out, thinking that no guy could possibly be into me, because I was 100% sure then, so how can I be 100% sure now? How do you know whether or not a guy is being truthful? Whether or not he’s just “taking you on” as a challenge? Or, just looking for a warm body to keep from being lonely (I DO believe that guys get lonely too), or he’s playing the field with you and several others? He could be giving you all the signs and saying all the things that don’t even make you think to question whether or not he’s into you. He clearly is. But then – he drops off the face of the earth, or accuses you of making “unfair” assumptions about the state of your relationship. And is that really fair?? How are you ever really supposed to know?

This entire post stems from the recent experience of my friend JD. Long story short:

  • Friendship/on-going fling with guy a few years back
  • Runs into guy, now with LIVE-IN GIRLFRIEND, recently on business trip
  • Guy sends text message to JD, at her hotel, night of business function with suggestive implications
  • Guy contacts JD when back in the country about professional opportunity
  • JD helps Guy
  • Guy declines opportunity, but writes very suggestive email about how much he was looking forward to the opportunity to spend more time with her, and how disappointed he is that they’re not going to get to see each other on a regular basis (might sound harmless, but the tone was unquestioningly suggestive and inappropriate for a guy with a live-in girlfriend).

I told JD that she should just write back and ask: “What is that supposed to mean?” But, we all know exactly what would have happened. Although Guy was making unquestionably suggestive comments with inappropriate undertones, he would have turned it back on JD with “What did what mean?” “It didn’t “mean” anything, you’re just overanalyzing….” He knew exactly what he was doing though – he was being safe by not being explicit about what it was that he truly wanted, but knew that he had an out if she questioned him.

UGH!! I was so angry when she told me that story! I hate it that guys know exactly what they’re doing when they write a message like that – they know exactly what they want, and they know exactly how we’ll take it. And yet – they leave themselves an out in case it doesn’t work out their way, and that “out” always ends up making the girl look like she’s being a demanding and clingy. So even if you were to flat-out, straight-up call him out on his motives, you’re still in the same boat trying to figure out whether or not you misread the “signs.” (Greg Behrendt argues that there are no ‘signs’). And before people start writing angry comments – yes – I know there are women who are just as manipulative, but this is a single girl blog…I’m just talking about my experiences with men (or should I say boys…).

So – the debate rages on. Is he into you, or isn’t he? And will we ever know…


Random thoughts from the weekend…

Alright – so I’m too tired to come up with a clever title for this one.

I had a great weekend! First of all, it was Spring Break week at my work, which meant some professional development sessions for staff. On Friday, I went to one of the most inspiring lectures of my life! One of our well-known faculty gave a talk about some of his life experiences; notably, losing his brother-in-law in a mountain climbing accident in New Zealand and having to keep himself alive overnight in -30C weather wearing shorts and a t-shirt. His brother-in-law basically saved his life by refusing to accept his outstretched hand, and he describes this as the one second that changed his life. His outlook on life has been completely different since – his entire lecture was about seizing the day, taking advantage of opportunities that come your way (or looking for the not so obvious opportunities!), and seeing the positive in everything – even tragedy. It’s hard to really put into words how moving this lecture was for me. I think that it just came at the right time in my life –  I’ve been thinking about some life changes, and looking for all the reasons why I shouldn’t do it. I’m starting to see that maybe there’s a reason I’m still single, and the universe is trying to tell me that there’s something else I’m suppsed to be doing; taking advantage of the opportunities in my single life, instead of bitching about it. Needless to say, I have a bit of a different outlook on things right now.

Friday night, I went with my friend J. to see the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You.” FANTASTIC! I expected a cute chick-flick, but not much else. But I enjoyed it much more than I thought I would! J. and I are big fans of the book, and it actually translated really well to the screen. It was funny to be in the theatre with all these women and hear everyone “ooooh” and “aahhh” and “tsk” at the same moments. You definitely got the sense that most of us had been there! I highly recommend it as a great girl’s night out. My only complaint – the whole premise of the book and the movie is that single girls need to remind themselves that they are the rule, and not the exception. However, the movie doesn’t exactly end that way. This was kind of disappointing – I sort of hoped they would show that a single girl’s life can still be great, even if “He’s Just Not That Into You.” Regardless, this book is a must read and the movie is a must-see for single girls everywhere. Trust me.

In other updates this week, I have made the decision NOT to email my last crush. I figure – what do I want to get out of it? I’ll end up waiting for some reply that won’t make me feel any better. And at the end of the day, the fact that he’s engaged will have to suffice as enough closure for me. We went on a few dates and it didn’t work out. Really, while I wish him the best, I don’t owe him a congrats – and emotionally,  it’s not worth it.

The eHarmony quest is still ongoing. I float back and forth from seeing this as ‘seizing opportunities’ (as mentioned above), and being just a big pain in my a$$. Here’s the thing about online dating – if you’re really serious about it, it’s actually a lot of work! It’s exhausting to read and weed through all those matches; especially when you don’t know enough about the person to be really ‘excited’ about communicating with them – so you have to push through the first few stages in order to really find out more, and see if it’s been worth all your time. Someone recently gave me the analogy that online dating is like working in sales; you make 10 cold calls, hope to get 3 prospects, and might get 1 sale out of those. Well – I have looked at over 100 matches since I rejoined eHarmony, and I’m only communicating with 2 of them. So, the stats are not necessarily so good but as my mom says, it only takes one. We’ll see what happens.

In other news, I haven’t had any communication with X in weeks. Not so sure it’s newsworthy, but for the first time, I kind of don’t care. If he calls to see how things are, great – it would be nice to catch-up. But I wrote him two messages back in January and never heard back so what’s the point? It’s kind of funny that sometimes it takes a completely, non-dramatic ‘event’ to make you see the light. One of my friends once told me that maybe if I stopped trying so hard to have a friendship with X, it would just happen naturally. I’m starting to think he might be right.

Hmm….what else in random thoughts of the week….

Oh – I have a wee little crush on Dev Patel from Slumdog Millionaire. Another fantastic movie that I saw on Saturday  night during my girl’s night with B. I wasn’t sure I would like it because I’m not usually into the underdog/independent films, but it was such a sweet movie. Yes – he’s 18, but what a cutie, and so sincerely amazed and humbled by this new found success. And his British accent makes him that much more adorable. And the little kids in this movie??? To die for (check out this interview – it will definitely make you smile!). Thoroughly enjoyed the Oscars last night too – the best broadcast of it that I’ve seen, and I agree with all the winning choices.  All in all – a great Single Girl’s weekend.


my favourite books for single women

Despite the fact that I have a university degree in English Language and Literature, I’d much prefer to read a good “chick lit” book over Austen or Dickens. I’d be arrested for admitting that in any university classroom, but there you have it.

At the start of the whole “chick lit” revolution a few years ago, there were some great books. Now I find that there’s just this huge section of pink books in every book store with the same cover – the back of someone’s legs wearing high heels, or a caricature of martinis and wedding rings. And all the plots sound the same! But, here are a few that I have really enjoyed, and hope some of you might too.

He’s Just Not That Into You

I bought this book incognito – with shades and a hat on. Because it was featured on Oprah for women who were in relationships that they shouldn’t be in, and I didn’t want to be seen as one of those people who believes everything that’s on Oprah. But this book was fantastic – witty, candid and honestly, incredibly truthful. I defiinitely believe that any girl who has been in a relationship that didn’t work out can relate to this book. It features all of the excuses we make for our boyfriends, and why they’re not as great as we think they should be. I will actually put it out there that I think EVERY WOMAN should read this book.

How To Be Single

I just read this book this summer, and it’s by the co-author of “He’s Just Not That Into You.” Again, another book I bought icognito (like I wanted to be seen buying a book with this title! LOL). But this is not a self-help book, it is a fiction novel. And it’s fantastic! It’s all about a woman doing research for her book, and she travels all over the world talking to other single women about what being single is like in their country. It was so interesting to hear about how women have such different perspectives about this topic – it seems other countries are much more progressive when it comes to being OK, with being single. We North Americans THINK that we are, but let’s just say this book made me want to pick up and move to Europe. A great read.

Something Borrowed and it’s sequel Something Blue

Chick lit at it’s best. A great page turner, light, and roots for the single girl underdog. Don’t let the baby pink cover with the engagement ring turn you off! These two books are perfect for the beach or a vacation get away. Although the first one deals with the topic of cheating, somehow, it seems OK for this protagonist. You’ll know what I mean when you read it.

Love The One You’re With

Also by the author of Something Borrowed, and Something Blue, this is a great book for those of you who have had two loves of your life. You understand the protagonist’s pull towards her past relationship; the guy with all the chemistry, attraction, and great memories – even though he was far from an exemplary boyfriend. Versus the wonderful but comfortable man she’s with now. This is a great book for those who have continued to go back to someone you know is no good for you. And haven’t we all been there?

The Year of Yes

This book is exactly as it sounds. It’s about a woman who decides that for one year, she’s going to say “Yes” to, not only every guy that asks her out, but to every dating opportunity. Even if it’s a cab driver that gives her a compliment. Talk about being exhausted from dating. But, it’s inspirational and funny.

The Pact

This isn’t exactly “chick lit” but it’s an amazing page turner and love story about two teenagers who make a romantic but disturbing pact. This was my favourite book for a LONG TIME until The Nanny Diaries blew me away and became my new favourite (NOTE: The Nanny Diaries movie sucked big time compared to the book – don’t let the movie turn you off if you’ haven’t read this one.) The Pact is moving, suspenseful and heart-wrenching. Definitely recommend it.

Well, I think that’s enough to keep some of you busy for now! Note that I’ve read a lot of chick lit books, but these are just some of the ones I’d really recommend and/or enjoyed the most. I’m no literary expert! If any of you have read, or end up reading one of these, let me know what you think.

P.S. Has anyone read Eat, Pray, Love? This one was also featured on Oprah and I heard SOO many people rave about it. But, I found it rather boring!? Anyone else? I feel like an anomaly here…


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