I am making this very quick note to myself and putting it out in public (so I guess it’s not really to myself….)
I just got off the phone with S. to plan our second date for tomorrow night. I officially have a somewhat excited feeling about it. I’m just documenting this feeling in writing so I can remember it when I start to ‘doubt’ how I feel about the situation or S. The ‘doubt’ being fear of course. Fear of being disappointed, fear of being hurt again, fear of being rejected, fear of falling to hard, fear of HIM falling too hard….and using that as an excuse to convince myself that I don’t like him.
When you have been single for 5 years and have only crushed on unavailable people during that time, you forget what it feels like to like someone, and it starts to be scary when you do (at least for me). I find myself trying to stop my feelings from going too far by curbing my optimism and excitement. I forget what it feels like to be in a relationship. To crush on someone. Sometimes I feel like I actually forget how to do it!!?? Isn’t that crazy??
Anyway – this excitment tends to be fleeting with me, which again, is why I’m documenting it in this particular moment. Stay tuned.