Posts Tagged ‘date


So, last night…

TimeTravellersWife…I took myself on a date to the movies. My friends had already seen the movie I wanted to see, and I couldn’t for the life of me get a hold of someone who didn’t already have plans for a Saturday night so I figured…what the heck. Going to the movies by yourself can be quite liberating (albeit I don’t recommend going to a romantic movie alone on a Saturday night like I did), but the trick is to get there right when the movie starts. That way, it’s dark, and you don’t feel like people are staring at you wondering why you’re at the movies alone.

On that note, I’m sorry to hear these words come out of my mouth but – don’t see the Time Traveler’s Wife. But most DEFINITELY read the book. It’s exceptional. If you see the movie, you won’t want to read the book, and then you’ll really be missing out. It’s great writing, romance and suspense at it’s finest, but the movie did not translate well to the screen at all (even though I LOVE Rachel McAdams and Eric Bana). Hope this saves you some money on a movie ticket.


Round Two?

Today I got an email from eHarmony. I had tried it out around this time last year for about 6 months, but gave up on the whole scene without much luck. I ended up going out on dates with two different guys I met on there – both perfectly nice, but as usual – no chemistry. I swore that I was going to give up on the whole blind dating/online dating scene because I have NEVER pursued anyone I went on a blind date with (and I’ve been on quite a few) and I’ve just never felt or believed that it was the way I’m going to meet someone. I always dreaded the dates, and got really sick of being disappointed. I also decided I was going to start taking the “reactive” dating approach, instead of the “proactive” approach – I started to think that maybe I was just trying and wishing too hard, and that if I just gave up on actively pursuing dates, something would happen the ‘natural’ way.eharmony-logo

But – you know those eHarmony commercials??? MAN! It makes the whole thing look so promising and it’s hard not to be encouraged by those really cute couples! And of course, they haven’t stopped harassing me to renew my membership since I quit, and they have dropped the monthly price so low to get me to sign-up again. I’m considering renewing my membership, but taking a slightly different approach this time. I would love to have my good friends/family write up my profile – after all, they know me better than anyone. THEN – I’d let them review my matches and decide which ones I should pursue. Obviously, I don’t seem to be doing a very good job of picking people out, and I’m the first to admit that I can be picky (although – I still argue that my expectations are NOT unreasonable, and that there is just a shortage of really good, SINGLE men out there.) But, maybe having others choose for me would open my mind a little more….

I’m looking for advice – what do you think loyal readers? Should I give this another go? Or give the ‘natural’ way a little more time?


Waiting for ladybugs

You know how the littleist things about being single will get to you some days more than others? The other day I was wearing a Halloween costume (an old bridesmaid dress that I paired with a fake tiara) and I couldn’t reach the zipper to take it off. I was flying around my room with my hand behind my back trying to get myself unzipped and starting to feel seriously afraid that I was going to be stuck in the ugly purple dress until someone could come rescue me. And when I went to take out the garbage this week, it was particularly smelly (and overflowing), and all I could do was wish that there was someone else I could’ve asked to take it out. I also got new blinds for my room that have been sitting on my floor for over a week. Why? Because I need more than two hands to put them up. These small, seemingly insignificant things really make you long to have someone else around – a partner who can help, share things with you and unzip you when you’re stuck.

On some of these days when I feel particularly lonely, I like to watch the movie “Under the Tuscan Sun” – this movie saved me three months after my very first, heart-wrenching break-up and snapped me back into the land of the hopeful. Despite the most inspirational and optimistic parts of this movie, the part I find the hardest to put into practice is these few lines: “Listen, when I was a little girl, I used to spend hours looking for ladybugs. Finally, I’d just give up and fall asleep in the grass. When I woke up, they were crawling all over me.”

Now, I understand that this is the whole “Once you stop looking is when you’ll find him speech” that I get a lot. But someone explain to me how this is possible when you’re constantly being reminded of the fact that you’re single, are surrounded by couples, and are beyond the stage of actually enjoying your singleness? I think this was originally the point of my dating diet that seems to have gone awry. But to be honest, when you’re in that lonely space, how do you just…forget? When you’re told not to think about red balloons, you’re going to inevitably think about red balloons. So here I am, waiting for ladybugs – but trying to pretend that I’m not waiting or looking for ladybugs.

While I’ve been pretending ‘not’ to be waiting for ladybugs, I went on my second date with JD this week. The good news was that when I initially saw him, I thought he was cuter than I remembered. Although movies really aren’t the best avenue for getting to know someone, we still seemed to have lots to talk about before the movie started. I wasn’t feeling so well when we left and was having a hard time staying awake in the movie (despite that it was VERY good – highly recommend ‘W’) so I didn’t ask him to grab coffee or anything after. We left it that we would see each other at L’s charity event next week.

I’m still undecided on JD – is there a chemistry there? No – not really. But I enjoy conversation with him. Could there be potential for a connection? Maybe. Am I trying to make this into something it’s not because I’m lonely and JD is great? Maybe. I did end up sending him an email to say thanks for the movie and just asking what he’s up to this weekend. Not ready to ask for another date just yet but am keeping the lines of communication open I guess. If nothing else, I’m continuing to take this one slow. Boring, I know – I’m hoping that by the time I see him again on Friday night, I’ll know one way or another whether JD is a ladybug or not.


Bright Lights, Date City

The date is on. Not only did I agree to go out with JD after he sent me an email early this week, but I actually proposed that we get together this weekend. Me! The one who wanted to postpone this as long as possible. The reason was two-fold: 1) I didn’t want to wait another week for an email from him, and b) I will be out of town for work next week/weekend and figured we might as well get this underway.

I feel a bit bad about giving JD a hard time about taking so long to email back, as I heard from my friend L. that his computer was broken for the week and he was afraid to tell me for fear I’d think it was an excuse. Truth be told, that IS probably what I would have thought. But he’s been quite resonsive to my emails this week and took charge deciding the time/location for the date, which I like. So – I actually have a date for “date night.”

Right now, I’m walking that very fine line between getting excited that this could be something great, and thinking that chances are this will turn out like every other blind date I’ve been on; guy looks great on paper and is perfectly nice, but there’s no chemistry whatsoever. This is what makes me nervous. I am ready to meet someone great. I am ready to NOT be single anymore. And as much as I don’t want my expectations to be too high, I’m hoping against all hope that this might be something. Now, as I’m writing this, I realize that I need to take my expectations down a notch beofre tomorrow night. Like I said, I’m having a hard time walking the fine line. I have not seen a picture of JD either, so I have no idea what I’m getting into – it’s literally a blind date. I’m told his cute – but that could mean so many things, especially given that one of his best girl friends is doing the setting up and wants to see him settled. (And there’s the low expectations side of the line).

As much as I wanted to make this more of a “date” by trying to do the dinner or group thing, it seems we’ve defaulted back to the Starbucks coffee shop downtown. Actually, the same Starbucks coffee shop that all of my other blind dates have been at. It has not escaped me that this location has not been the best of luck for me dating-wise, but I’m trying not to be superstitious on top of everything else. We started a conversation over email about how much I enjoy Starbucks, and of course JD took it as a good segue way (cleverly so) to do the asking out…to Starbucks. So- there you have it: Saturday night – 7:00pm – bright lights, date city.


the waiting game

So a week or so ago, I was perfectly happy to be on my dating diet. But ever since my friend L. told me about that guy (JD) that she and her boss wanted to set me up with, I’ve been waiting anxiously to hear from him! It’s like all of a sudden, I want to be dating again! (No wonder men think women can’t make up their minds). I guess it’s because L. really sold me on him and I started to get a little bit excited to meet someone that wasn’t just single, but possibly a really good match for me. We have lots in common, and L. was really detailed about telling me all of the questions she asked/told her boss about me and him. And all of the answers sounded perfect!

Now, I’m the first one to admit that someone can look great on paper but then you have no attraction or chemistry. But the way I see it, eventually I’m going to meet someone that has both, right? So starting with someone who I know is great in theory, is just that – a good start. Although L. hasn’t met this guy, I absolutely trust her and I know that she knows exactly what I’m looking for and need in a good match. She was even asking her boss questions like, “What would he do in X situation?” or “J really needs someone who is like ‘this’. Is he like ‘that’?” LOL. I love L.

So after JD agreed to this set-up, I told L. she could pass on my contact details – and from what I’ve heard – he got my email address early this week. But still, nothing! And now I feel like it’s too late to get HIS contact details, because really – if he wanted us to connect, he could make it happen! The worst part of all of this is that I SO did NOT want to get my hopes up. I wanted to stay completely neutral about the situation so I’d either be pleasantly surprised, or not disappointed. But it’s difficult to stay neutral when it sounds as though someone is so great for you. I’ve had such a hard time meeting genuinely good, sincere, great guys that have relationship potential. So when one comes along, it’s hard not to get hopeful. Especially because they come so very few and far between. Having said all this – JD could be a total dud! Who really knows, right? Of course L’s boss is going to talk up her friend like he’s so great! Ugh…now I’m just trying to make myself feel better that I haven’t heard from him.

So, back I go – like a girl waiting by the phone for a guy to call (or in this case, my email.)


When it rains, it pours…

One thing I find really funny about dating is that you’re either in a dry spell, or a flood – it never comes sporadically. Right now, it seems to be pouring on me!

Not only have I signed up for speed dating next week (update: I convinced another colleague to come with me and J. as well), but in the last two days I’ve gotten two different asks for bind dates! One is through the husband of a friend, of a friend; this is crazy in itself – I mean, how many people know I’m single and looking?! In all fairness, I tend to be pretty open about sharing this information with people who I think might know high-potential guys. After all, if I don’t put the word out that I’m looking, who will? And good people generally know good people; and when you’re surrounded by couples who are in turn, surrounded by couples, it’s hard to find single people anywhere anymore!

Anyway, K. is a great guy so when he messaged me and said he knew someone I might be interested in, I said sure! K. has talked to his friend R. who has said he’d like to meet me for coffee. Right now, R. has my email address and the ball is in his court. We’ll see what happens.

The second blind date opportunity is especially exciting and really ironic how it all came about. Those of you who know me know that my world seems to be particularly small…seriously. The term “small world” tends to be an understatement with me. A few weeks ago, I went with one of my best friends B. to drop something off at her work. I spotted a really cute guy in one of the offices and tried to get the scoop from her. Unfortunately, she didn’t really know him so didn’t have much dirt to dish. Then today, I got together for coffee with another friend of mine who also works at the same place as B. I mentioned that I was at his work the other day and had spotted this really cute guy. Well, sure enough – he gave me the lowdown!  Fantastic guy, motivated, and highly recommended by my friend. So – my friend is going to confirm his single status and let me know what’s what.

People tend to be from two different camps when it comes to how much effort one should put into dating. I either get the “once you stop looking, it will happen” speech. Or, the “you have to actively get out there if you want to meet someone!” lecture. Having done both, it doesn’t seem that one is more effective than the other (I have been single for 4 years after all!) But, when I think about the options, I’m of the mind that putting yourself out there will never hurt – “prepare for the worst, hope for the best, and take what comes.” If you just sit around and wait, you never know what opportunities you might miss. Granted, those of you who have been single as long as I have know how difficult and discouraging it is to repeatedly put yourself out there with no ROI. And I have to admit, that after tons of first dates that go nowhere (lots of them bind dates), it gets really hard to go in with a positive outlook and keep your optimism in tact. But, for right now, I’m sticking with option A and hoping for a pay off soon…

**Update from the last post: I have not emailed A. back  yet. I’m out of town this weekend and think I’m going to wait until I’m back. Maybe the delayed response will help get the point across…


a date, or not a date…that is the question

Ok – so here’s the thing. It’s not like I’m not dating – I’ve actually been on A LOT of first dates. Lots of blind dates, dates with people I’ve met randomly, and dates that I didn’t even know were dates! That brings me to the topic of this particular blog post. What defines a date??

A few months ago, an acquaintance of mine went on a travel adventure. When he left for his travels, he started a blog that I followed quite regularly. I told him that when he came back, I’d love to meet up for coffee to swap stories about his experiences and my own travel adventures.

Now, I know it sounds as though I initiated this, but there’s another piece of information that I have to leave you with. I have always been under the impression that this guy plays for the other team. It was never really a question for me, actually – just an assumption. So, you can understand how harmless I thought this coffee would be. And we had a great chat; drinking fancy coffee and sharing stories about our travels – but still – my mind never even went to a place where this would be anything more than two friends catching up. Until, he mentioned something about hoping he was going to find his “princess” during his adventures and was lamenting about how he didn’t really meet any special women on his trip. Having said all this, and even at that point, I still wasn’t convinced.

A week or so later, he. emailed me and said we should get together again soon. I put him off for a bit, disregarding that portion of his email when I replied, and going on about how busy I am right now. But then he asked again a few weeks later in another email and I thought, “fine.” Maybe he is just wanting to hang out as friends – we are in the same industry, know the same people and had a good time at coffee. What’s the harm in a game of mini-golf? I dressed down, wore minimal make-up and played it somewhat stand-offish. I realized as soon as I saw him, that he was under the impression that this was a date: he dressed like it was a date, wore cologne like it was a date, and acted like it was a date (a.k.a. nervous). But, we had a game of mini-golf and a beer, while I desperately played the disinterested card. There was no attempt at a kiss or anything “datish” so I started to feel as though maybe I HAD pegged the “date” thing wrong. Then, the next day, another email – he’d like to go out again! SHIT!

I know some of you are thinking, what’s the problem? Sounds like a nice guy, lots in common, obviously interested. But I can’t get past the fact that everytime I talk to him, I’m convinced he’s in the closet! It’s hard to avoid or pretend not to notice…to me, it’s pretty explicit. Two of my closest friends in the world are gay, and I’m pretty good with the radar. Not to mention the fact that I have no interest in him beyond having a friendship – no spark/chemistry whatsoever. (Maybe it has something to do with the gay thing?!)

So, what’s a girl to do?  A) continue to disregard the parts of his email that talk about getting together and hope he eventually gets the point, B) tell him I’m way too busy and take the risk that he’ll ask me again in a few weeks, or C) tell him (nicely) that I’m not interested in dating him. Were these even “dates”?  How do you know? What qualifies a “date?” No hand holding. No kissing. We alternated paying. No talk of past relationships. Who can tell anymore?

For now, I’ll be sitting on his email and not responding right away. I’m leaning towards my roommate’s advice which is option B – try to put it off and hope he gets the hint. But, option A is pretty appealing as well. I’m heading out for a long weekend at a friend’s cottage and don’t want to deal with this until I get back….maybe then I’ll have some perspective on what to do and/or my friends can give me some advice.

If you have any thoughts on the best course of action, please feel free to share!


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