Posts Tagged ‘Dates

19
Jan
10

Find Me Somebody To Love

(Love that song, especially the version they did on Glee).

So, I’m seriously considering giving the online dating thing another go. I’ve been toying with the idea of getting back on eHarmony for about a week or so now. Maybe because they have a good deal on right now, or because it’s hard to resist the couples on those commercials who look so freakin’ happy, and do a damn good job of convincing me that – yes- my perfect match is out there, just waiting for me to find him. The thing that keeps stopping me is the ridiculous frustration and discouragement that have followed my last several attempts at online dating (or really, dating in general). I swore that I would NEVER do it again. It almost felt worse than not dating at all because some of the matches I saw made me go: “Are you kidding me? This is the best that’s out there?!” Or, I’d go on a few dates, and like every other guy since X and my last crush, there’d be absolutely no chemistry or interest on my end whatsoever.

Given that, I’ve been on a self-imposed dating diet for quite some time now. And as much as I remain incredibly discouraged about dating and my seeming inability to even develop a ‘crush’ on someone, I figure that I’m not getting any further by throwing in the towel on dating all together either. I’m not ready to commit to online dating again just yet, but I’m thinking about it.

Going back and reading some of my older posts about my online dating experiences and thoughts are not helping the cause right now….I’d better give it a few more days…

16
Mar
09

a note to myself

reminderI am making this very quick note to myself and putting it out in public (so I guess it’s not really to myself….)

I just got off the phone with S. to plan our second date for tomorrow night. I officially have a somewhat excited feeling about it. I’m just documenting this feeling in writing so I can remember it when I start to ‘doubt’ how I feel about the situation or S. The ‘doubt’ being fear of course. Fear of being disappointed, fear of being hurt again, fear of being rejected, fear of falling to hard, fear of HIM falling too hard….and using that as an excuse to convince myself that I don’t like him.

When you have been single for 5 years and have only crushed on unavailable people during that time, you forget what it feels like to like someone, and it starts to be scary when you do (at least for me).  I find myself trying to stop my feelings from going too far by curbing my optimism and excitement. I forget what it feels like to be in a relationship. To crush on someone. Sometimes I feel like I actually forget how to do it!!?? Isn’t that crazy??

Anyway – this excitment tends to be fleeting with me, which again, is why I’m documenting it in this particular moment. Stay tuned.

18
Nov
08

Take Two

This post is called “take two” for a couple of reasons…

One – my date with JD on Saturday night was nice, although it felt rather repetitive of our first date. We covered many of the same topics, and I struggled to start new conversation, or get him to go any deeper on some more personal and/or fun (but not invasive) topics. It just felt like a conversation you’d have with a friend or colleague. At one point, I was actually quite bored and found myself zoning out. If I didn’t interrupt him, he tended to just go on, and on. (Those of you who know me will see the irony in this, as I have been known to chat a lot from time to time 🙂

I was proud of myself in that I felt quite relaxed, and ready to go-with-the-flow going into the date – I even felt a bit nervous, which I took as a good sign (ie. I cared about how it turned out). Unfortunately, the attraction is just not there for me. There wasn’t really any clapboard1laughter or flirting and at no time was there really a good ‘first kiss’ moment. Had he gone in for it, I would have – but I’m not one to make the first move (especially when I’m not sure I want to!) and he didn’t…so there you have it. He mentioned giving me a call again, and I would give it one last ditch effort – but, as L. said, I shouldn’t try to force it and it’s pretty clear my mind is made up. I was truly disappointed with this one though. I really wanted it to work out and was ready (and looking forward) to maybe having someone in my life. JD IS a really great guy and we do have lots in common; and even though he’s not the next one for me, I feel like I’m getting a bit closer to finding the one who is…as my Mom always says, you have to look at dating as a ‘fact-finding’ mission.

Two -the end of my dating adventures with JD brings me back to ‘take two’ of my dating diet. And I’m ready for it. I’m not going to lie though, I am dreading going into the holidays alone. It has historically been a really tough time for me emotionally, and with all of my friends being engaged or married this year,  I’m fearful that this season may be no different.

But, for whatever reason – maybe I’m just meant to be alone right now. I’ve been workng on a bit of ‘self-help’ stuff over the last two years, and just don’t feel like I’m quite done with it yet. I think the fact that I’ve been single this long is a testament to the fact that I still have some personal issues I need to work out…and until I do that, I’m not sure I’ll be ready to be in a relationship with anyone. I’m having a hard time believing (as are my friends, I think!) that I’ve been on this many dates and have not felt chemistry or attraction with any of them. Not unusual for me, given that I can count on one hand the number of real crushes I’ve had in my entire life (one of that handful being my ex) – but, sometimes I can’t help but wonder why I haven’t been able to let anyone else in, in over four years.

So giving up dating, and focusing on me, is the diet I’m on. Hopefully this is a New Year’s resolution that I can stick to.

12
Nov
08

Don’t think. Just do.

the_thinkersToday I had coffee with my guy friend J-Ro. I love talking to him because not only is he one of the very few single guys I know, he tells it like it is and isn’t passive aggressive like some guys can be. Our conversations always end up reverting back to our dating lives (or lack-there-of) and it’s nice to have a single guy who can give me good dating advice. There’s no pressure with J-Ro – we’re just friends and it’s nice to have that perspective.

I was telling J-Ro about my dates with JD and my concerns about not feeling the attraction, and in typical J-Ro fashion, he doled out some great advice: a) stop thinking about it so much (duh!), and b) why dont’ you try kissing him FIRST, and THEN decide whether or not you feel any chemistry? I’ve been so concerned about not feeling like I wanted to kiss JD, that I never though about what might happen if I did. It’s like that episode of FRIENDS where Monica breaks-up with Pete, the wonderful, sweet millionaire, because she’s not attracted to him. Then, they kiss in the kitchen of that restaurant – and BAM! (Yes – I recognize life is not a TV show but go with me on this one….)

The consensous of all of my friends (and my Mom) is that I am totally overthinking this ‘no attraction’ thing (typical ‘me’ behavior). Their advice is to make a conscious effort to stop thinking about it, and just go with the flow; no expectations, no worries. An easy thing to say (I know they’re right), but a very hard thing for someone like me to do. But – in the interest of staying hopeful about this opportunity, I need to take their advice. JD called me tonight and we are going for dinner on Saturday – ‘date night’. Hopefully a few glasses of wine will help me to bring to life the thoughts of the brilliant actor, Sir Anthony Hopkins:

“We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think. Think. Think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It’s a death trap.”

Well said, Anthony – well said.

09
Nov
08

Yes. No. Maybe…

I am a very indecisive person in general. So when it comes to dating, I feel as though my indecisiveness is magnified 100%. I don’t know if it’s because I’m too picky, or because I’m afraid of getting hurt, or because I just haven’t met another person that I’ve fallen really head over heels for.

Having spent a bit more time with JD tonight at the charity event, I can honestly say that JD is a “Yes.No.Maybe” kind of guy for me. I literally feel like I change my mind about him everytime I see or talk to him. My question is: how long can he stay a “Yes.No.Maybe” guy until I have to make a decision? The last thing I want to do is lead someone on, but on the other hand, I don’t want to get out too soon before I’m really sure. We’ve made soft plans to go out for dinner soon, which will be our third date.indecisive1

There’s something to be said for feeling “pressure” on the third date. It always feels like that’s the critical time when you choose to move forward or stop. At this point, I have no idea what I want to do. I’m still not sure I’m attracted to JD – do I want to kiss him? Not really – but I do enjoy spending time with him and I like that we have so much in common. On the other hand, I don’t want to force this if something is not there, and that is my other fear; that I’m so lonely, and he is such a great guy who seems so right for me on paper, that I’ll just ‘settle’ for him, for now. And that’s not really fair to him or me.

You know what else isn’t fair? The last guy I had a crush on is still on my mind. Which is horrible, b/c we haven’t seen each other in over two years, have only had some sporadic email communications, and he has made it pretty clear by his inaction that he’s not interested in me that way. But, I fell SO HARD for this one, and I feel guilty that if he were to come along tomorrow, I’d have no problems or second thoughts about ditching JD all together. Someone needs to come along who will surpass that last crush – it’s always the way that I’ve worked. I’ve honestly only had about a handful of serious crushes in my life, and until one is surpassed by the other, I have a hard time letting go. JD is not quite at that stage yet, but maybe he’ll get there – who knows….Until then, is it fair for me to keep this up? How many dates do I get before I have to chalk it up to a crush, or no chemistry?

I’m realizing after writing this that I am slowly going crazy and am WAY overthinking this…yes, no or maybe?

20
Oct
08

And the verdict is….

I appreciate you loyal followers who have been asking about my date on Saturday night. I’d go on the record as saying that I’m undecided on this one, which is more than I can say for my past blind dates however! JD was very smart and actually knew how to make conversation…a skill I find lacking in many single men these days (the ones I’ve met anyway). We DID have a lot in common, and got to talking about our backgrounds, our work, our families and even politics.

Was he cute you ask? Well – I wouldn’t say he was unattractive, but I wouldn’t say I was attracted to him either. Was there chemistry? Not really – but there was enough good conversation that I’m definitely willing to give this one another go and see what might happen. We made loose plans to catch the movie “W” in the next few weeks, and will be seeing each other at L’s charity event as well. I’m taking this one slow – and if the connection comes, it comes. If it doesn’t, I’m not going to force it. I’ve been in the situation where it’s taken me months to build an attraction to someone (my Ex – we worked together before we started dating) but I’ve also been in the situation, on several occasions, of feeling that instant chemistry/connection/attraction (whatever you want to call it). Does one make for a stronger relationship foundation than the other? I don’t know….

However, I can honestly say that if I hadn’t been on so many dates before JD, I’m not sure I’d really be giving this one another go. I’m just at the point now, where I’m starting to think there’s something wrong with me that I’m not attracted to any of the guys I’ve met….what is holding me back from feeling that….’thing’?? The ‘je ne sais quoi’?? I’m convinced it must be me. No one goes on this many dates and comes out the other end empty handed. It’s especially frutrating when I see all these people hitting it off with their first dates, or developing instant crushes!! Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had a crush on someone??? Two and a half years!!! The worst part is, I haven’t been able to get that last crush out of my head…but he’s a story for another blog. I just find that once I fall for someone, my feelings for that person don’t go away until I find someone else that I feel that same way, or stronger, about….it’s been that way since my first real crush in the fifth grade (who I didn’t fully get over until high school…ridiculous. But this is what I mean when I say I fall hard!! I’m hopeless!)

Part of the problem is, I know what I want. I don’t want to settle for less than what I want. I don’t think my expectations are unreasonable…at all. And my friends agree with me, so I know I’m not asking too much. Nobody’s perfect, which I recognize and understand. But I’m looking for someone who is perfect for me. Where does that leave me? How do you ‘lower’ your expectations, and open yourself up to opportunities that aren’t what you really want, without feeling like you’re settling? This is not a rhetorical question – I need answers! It feels like a balancing act between my expectations and my reality…what should tip the scale?

17
Oct
08

Bright Lights, Date City

The date is on. Not only did I agree to go out with JD after he sent me an email early this week, but I actually proposed that we get together this weekend. Me! The one who wanted to postpone this as long as possible. The reason was two-fold: 1) I didn’t want to wait another week for an email from him, and b) I will be out of town for work next week/weekend and figured we might as well get this underway.

I feel a bit bad about giving JD a hard time about taking so long to email back, as I heard from my friend L. that his computer was broken for the week and he was afraid to tell me for fear I’d think it was an excuse. Truth be told, that IS probably what I would have thought. But he’s been quite resonsive to my emails this week and took charge deciding the time/location for the date, which I like. So – I actually have a date for “date night.”

Right now, I’m walking that very fine line between getting excited that this could be something great, and thinking that chances are this will turn out like every other blind date I’ve been on; guy looks great on paper and is perfectly nice, but there’s no chemistry whatsoever. This is what makes me nervous. I am ready to meet someone great. I am ready to NOT be single anymore. And as much as I don’t want my expectations to be too high, I’m hoping against all hope that this might be something. Now, as I’m writing this, I realize that I need to take my expectations down a notch beofre tomorrow night. Like I said, I’m having a hard time walking the fine line. I have not seen a picture of JD either, so I have no idea what I’m getting into – it’s literally a blind date. I’m told his cute – but that could mean so many things, especially given that one of his best girl friends is doing the setting up and wants to see him settled. (And there’s the low expectations side of the line).

As much as I wanted to make this more of a “date” by trying to do the dinner or group thing, it seems we’ve defaulted back to the Starbucks coffee shop downtown. Actually, the same Starbucks coffee shop that all of my other blind dates have been at. It has not escaped me that this location has not been the best of luck for me dating-wise, but I’m trying not to be superstitious on top of everything else. We started a conversation over email about how much I enjoy Starbucks, and of course JD took it as a good segue way (cleverly so) to do the asking out…to Starbucks. So- there you have it: Saturday night – 7:00pm – bright lights, date city.




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