Posts Tagged ‘dating

03
Dec
10

Seriously!? Seriously.

There should be a book of etiquette for dating. Seriously.

I was on another unofficial dating diet over the summer. Not only was I super busy and preoccupied by the newest love of my life (B&C had a little baby boy in June who has completely stolen my heart), but I also was feeling no urge to deal with all the annoying discouragement that often accompanies the process of online dating (which is feeling like the ONLY opportunity to meet any single men these days).

But in early Fall with some encouragement from my folks, I DID end up giving eHarmony another go. And shortly before my 3-month subscription expired, I started corresponding with this guy who was super cute, and who I seemed to really hit it off with. We had tons in common, and for the first time in my entire online dating experience, I found myself being really excited to get an email from him and was eager to meet in person. And when we did? He was JUST as cute in person as in his pictures and we had a really fun date, with lots to talk about. T. seemed a little full of himself and there were some other very minor red flags raised but I enjoyed his company and was looking forward to another date.

T. continued to text, call and email me over the next few days – but in our conversations, he never said anything about getting together again. So, taking matters into my own hands, I proposed another date and we met for a movie. T. held my hand during the movie and was being really sweet. But when we went out for coffee after, I got the vibe that he wasn’t really…’there’. He kept looking around, and just didn’t seem that interested in what I was saying. I left slightly confused but nonchalant about it – I enjoyed our date and was willing to go out again, but if he didn’t call – I wasn’t going to be crushed either. I got the sense that T. was not someone I was destined to have a serious relationship with but we seemed to be enjoying each other’s company, he made me laugh, and he was the first guy I had dated in…..years….who didn’t make me want to run the other way if he tried to hold my hand or kiss me. I was heading on vacation for a week and a half and figured I’d just see what happened.

To my surprise, T continued to keep in touch and went on about what a great time he’d had on our date (Me thinking: REALLY!? Were we on the same date?) But – cool – I thought. I got in touch when I was back from vacay, and we made a date for the Friday of the following week. T. implied that he was eager to see me – even though it was ME who had to, once again, initiate making the actual date. I was going away for a long weekend and he was going to be travelling on business during the week so it was a week and half before we would see each other again.

Well, did I ever hear from T again? NOPE. After sending one text and one Facebook message over the week we wouldn’t see each other, I never heard anything back. And when Friday rolled around for our date? NADA. I was slightly disappointed because even though I wasn’t pining for T., I WAS kind of looking forward to a fun little fling. It has been SO LONG since I’ve had ANY kind of feeling for ANY guy so I was kind of willing to go with the flow on this one….

But seriously!? You initiate all of our conversations, say you’re disappointed that it will be so long before you see me and yet stand me up for a date with no explanation at all and stop returning ANY of my messages!? What an ass. If you’re not interested in me, that’s fine. I’m not all that interested in you either! But at least have the courtesy and manners to have SOME kind of communication with me. Make up an excuse for crying out loud! I don’t even care! But at least acknowledge that we went on a couple of dates and you led on as though you were interested. No matter how few dates I’ve gone on with someone, I ALWAYS make that difficult contact letting them know I’m not interested. The least he could do was make up a lie!

But….

Imagine my surprise when T. caught me off guard while I was in the car early this week – calling me to “see how things were going.” Did he acknowledge that he got my message(s)? Yep. Did he apologize for not responding? No. Did he acknowledge missing our date? No. He went on as though NOTHING had happened and that it HADN’T been two weeks since we’d talked! Had I had access to caller ID while driving I would NOT have answered the phone. But, maybe it was better this way because the conversation was certainly awkward and I purposefully let there be awkward silence. I was just so stunned that he didn’t even acknowledge the fact that he had all but ignored me for two weeks. He talked about how he’d been commuting, but come on buddy – you have a Blackberry for crying out loud. And I had seen him active on Facebook throughout the week so I KNEW he’d gotten that message.

Needless to say, I got out of the conversation quickly and I doubt I’ll be hearing from him again. Fine by me. I can acknowledge when someone is not into me and I’m a firm believer in listening to the advice in “He’s Just Not That Into You” (Yes, I’m a big supporter of this book – because all of this advice has proven to be true!) And a guy who can’t even come up with some kind of creative excuse as for why he hasn’t called or doesn’t have the kahonas to even respond to my phone calls or texts, is not even worth the fling.

Adios T…..on to the next….sigh.

Advertisements
18
Mar
10

All it takes is a boost…

I’m back!

My Olympic adventure was incredible. But, I spent so much time blogging about it that I needed a blogging “break” when I came home. I’ve spent the last week settling back in, and getting used to regular routine again. Being away for four weeks and having this experience was awesome, to say the least – and it has been difficult adjusting to ‘normal life’ after such a high.

However, my experience in Vancouver was not without it’s “single girl stories”….

You may remember from one of my past posts that a psychic told my Mom that I was destined to meet a guy in February 2010. That premonition came true, but not in the way that I had anticipated. My first day of work, I met L.; a 42-year old French-Canadian from Montreal. We hit it off from the get-go, spending most of our shifts cracking each other up, sharing stories and enjoying the awesome cocktails and cuisine of Vancouver with fellow volunteers after our shifts. I felt more comfortable with L. than I have felt with another guy in years, and we developed a great friendship. On his last night in Vancouver, L. treated me to a great ‘date’ night: we went to a fancy Italian restaurant, ordered champagne and wine, and topped the evening off at a piano bar (and more champagne). The french-gentleman that he is, L. wined and dined me that evening (the french do this VERY well!), and I didn’t really realize until then how much I enjoyed that kind of attention! Maybe because it was without pretense or the intention of ‘showing-off’ – but it was really nice to be treated like a lady for one evening. Despite our age difference (and the fact that Luc has a live-in girlfriend), we became very close friends, and he’s someone that I’m sure I’ll keep in touch with. Above all else, I truly believe that I was meant to meet L. during this experience. My relationship with him showed me that there ARE great guys out there who I can get along with, feel comfortable with, and who like me “just the way I am” (to quote from one of my favourite movies, Bridget Jones’ Diary). Not to mention the fact that I was shown that chivalry is not dead, and it doesn’t make me a ‘needy’ girl if I like to be spoiled every now and then.

Fresh off my ‘romantic’ (if you would call it that) evening with L., I did something that I have never done before. While out for dinner with my 50-something year old aunt, and our 70-something year old cousins (who hosted us while in Vancouver), we were waited on by a very cute, very nice, very sweet waiter. We chatted quite a bit with him in between courses and from the little we found it about him, it seemed we had a lot in common. It wasn’t long before my dining companions were pushing me to give him my phone number/business card; and pushing, and pushing (at my resistance, because I am WAY to shy for stuff like that). Well, after a few glasses of wine and my aunt threatening to give him my number anyway – I ACTUALLY did it myself! I left the restaurant with no regrets, and feeling kind of indifferent about whether or not he contacted me or not – I was just really proud of myself for taking that step because at the ripe old age of 28, I can honestly say that I don’t think I’ve ever volunteered my number to a guy.

The next day was the gold medal game and while I awoke with a renewed boost of confidence, I had completely forgotten about the events at the restaurant the night before; my efforts were focused on finding the best place to watch the game! Imagine my surprise when I started receiving text messages from a Vancouver number that I didn’t recognize. After responding once, I simply stopped, convinced that this mystery texter had the wrong number. It was until later that afternoon when I was on my way back to the house for dinner that it donned on me – the mystery texter was my waiter from the night before! Well, once I realized that and finally responded, we ended up corresponding for about an hour or so, and again in the morning on my way to the airport (yes – I met him on my second-last night in Vancouver). After telling him that I was turning my cell phone off during my vacay week in Hawaii, I honestly expected never to hear from him again – after all, we pretty much live on opposite sides of the country. So, I was pretty shocked after opening my phone five days later to find a very sweet text, inquiring as to how I was enjoying Hawaii and joking at the fact that I had obviously cracked on my ‘no cell phone rule.’ Now – this is not par-for-the -course for me based on my previous dating experience; I don’t remember the last time that I was ever pursued by someone I liked so receiving this text was a huge confidence booster. And it felt nice to know that someone was actually thinking about me!

Upon my return home, I contacted “Waiter” and we texted back and forth for awhile. Until – he asked that critical question: “Do you have a boyfriend?” This is it, I thought. I’m not making it up. It’s not in my head. Distance aside – he’s interested. He’s actually interested – in ME! With that in my head, yet not knowing what his intentions were behind the question, I answered: “Nope. You?” To which HE replies. “Yep. Have a girlfriend.” Uhhh…..say what now?

Well, needless to say I shut-down that conversation pretty quick and haven’t looked back. And despite my mild disappointment with the situation (really, we barely had 10 minutes total of ACTUAL conversation), it was another confidence booster and I see it as simply another example of something that was just meant to happen to me. The fact that I even GAVE someone my number was a big step for me, and now I know I can do it – and it really wasn’t that big of a deal. So what if some stranger doesn’t call me? I’m out nothing but a little hurt pride. Lack of confidence, especially when it comes to guys, is something I have always struggled with and I definitely feel like it’s been holding me back. So, between my experiences with L. and Waiter, I’m feeling a wee boost in my confidence and hoping it will stick.

19
Jan
10

Find Me Somebody To Love

(Love that song, especially the version they did on Glee).

So, I’m seriously considering giving the online dating thing another go. I’ve been toying with the idea of getting back on eHarmony for about a week or so now. Maybe because they have a good deal on right now, or because it’s hard to resist the couples on those commercials who look so freakin’ happy, and do a damn good job of convincing me that – yes- my perfect match is out there, just waiting for me to find him. The thing that keeps stopping me is the ridiculous frustration and discouragement that have followed my last several attempts at online dating (or really, dating in general). I swore that I would NEVER do it again. It almost felt worse than not dating at all because some of the matches I saw made me go: “Are you kidding me? This is the best that’s out there?!” Or, I’d go on a few dates, and like every other guy since X and my last crush, there’d be absolutely no chemistry or interest on my end whatsoever.

Given that, I’ve been on a self-imposed dating diet for quite some time now. And as much as I remain incredibly discouraged about dating and my seeming inability to even develop a ‘crush’ on someone, I figure that I’m not getting any further by throwing in the towel on dating all together either. I’m not ready to commit to online dating again just yet, but I’m thinking about it.

Going back and reading some of my older posts about my online dating experiences and thoughts are not helping the cause right now….I’d better give it a few more days…

21
Sep
09

If you’ve ever been hit on…this is for you.

I hate email forwards. My friends and family know this, so whenever they DO send me one, I know it’s either pretty funny or pretty insightful. My brother sent me a great one today and since it relates to being single/finding guys, I had to post it. I feel two ways about it though. You either listen to this and think: “Thank GOD I’m still single instead of with some loser like this.” Or – “Oh Lord – is this what’s out there for me to choose from.”  Of course, as most email forwards are, this could be a total hoax – and for the sake of single girls everywhere, let’s hope it is!

The story is this:  a girl was out with friends having drinks on X street in (insert city here). This guy approaches her and won’t leave her alone -saying how cute she is. She finally gives in  and hands the guy her business card to get rid of him.  Below is an MP3 file of not one, but TWO voicemails this guy left. This goes down  in the history books – especially the second voice mail. After hearing them you can clearly see why she didn’t call him back – instead  she called in to the local morning radio show and had them play this on the air.
Ladies: this  is what’s out there…. So have a listen…laugh, and thank your lucky  stars you are either single, in a relationship, or not with this guy….

Dimitri The Stud

05
Jul
09

Working Girl

workinggirlI have been significantly MIA lately. Mostly because I’ve been making a conscious effort NOT to think about dating. It kills me when people always tell single folks: “As soon as you stop thinking about it, BAM!” – because I don’t know about the rest of you, but when I’m trying not to think about it, I’m thinking about it. And when I’m surrounded by people who aren’t single, I’m thinking about it. So really…I’m ALWAYS thinking about it. Nonetheless, I’ve gone back on the dating diet. More-so because I’m just starting to lose hope a little, and I’m not really sure what else to do…it takes a lot of effort to stay positive about the dating scene when the single men that you DO meet make you go: “Really? Is this what I have to choose from?”

It brings me to the point of this blog. How much work should dating really be? How much effort should one really have to put into finding someone? I’ve done the online dating thing (more than once). I’ve done speed dating. I’ve spread the word to friends about my willingness to be set-up (to the point where I even feel like I’m being annoying and obnoxious), and have been on numerous blind dates. I try to put myself in situations where I can meet new people. I’ve done the bar scene. How many more avenues do I need to exhaust? Everyone says there are good single guys out there  – and I believe there are but – how hard should one have to work to find them??? Are us singe girls at a point where we have to make our dating life a full-time job, if we really want to be committed to finding someone? I know an ex-colleague who admitted to quitting her job (where I worked) and moving to the “big city” – because she wanted to meet someone. And you know what? That was two years ago, and she is still single. I mean…is this something I actually need to e thinking about??  Moving just to meet someone? And I wouldn’t say I live in a ‘small town’ either. I have simply gotten to the point where I’m starting to wonder if there’s anything more I can really do. I feel like I’ve exhausted a lot of avenues, and it’s just not happening for me – for whatever reason. I’m starting to wish that an answer would just shoot down from the sky – am I supposed to be somewhere at a certain time to meet the man of my dreams? Did I say ‘no’ to an event and miss the opportunity all together? Was there someone else I was supposed to befriend, who would have introduced us? Am I not at the job I’m supposed to be at for meeting the right person? Am I not living in the right city where I’m eventually supposed to meet my dream guy? I am thoroughly starting to understand why people participate in shows like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette – great, successful, hand-picked guys, just for you, from all over the country. But – is this where we’re at? Single girls needed to compete on reality shows just to find a guy? Man….

And  the longer I’m single, the more lonely I get. And the more lonely I get, the more I get into the living on my own/no-one else to think about/single girl routine – and that scares the crap out of me. Because the more I get comfortable with having my own life, doing my own thing, having my own routine – the more I’m scared that I won’t be able to adjust to having someone else in it – and I’ll be self-consciously afraid of letting anyone new into my life and comfort zone. I’m already scared that I’ve been so incredibly hurt and rejected by a particular handful of guys in my life that I’ll never let myself feel that for anyone again – and what if that’s why I’m still single? That sub-consciously, my heart just can’t survive the hurt again and therefore is not letting me “go there” with anyone new. How do you get past something like that, especially when that risk always exists in any potential relationship? So really – will I ever be able to let myself ‘go there’ again? Will it ever matter how hard I work at finding someone, because the result will still be the same? I don’t know…..I feel like all that leaves me with is the need to give up and stop trying – so let the dating diet continue.

25
Apr
09

Let’s talk about…

I miss sex.

Yep. I said it.

And I’ll admit that I’m flat out jealous of all my friends who are in serious relationships, and are getting it regularly.

(Mom- this is your warning should you choose to stop reading now)

When you think about it, sex is really the only thing that you can’t do alone. I mean – yes – I understand there are ways you can get your needs filled without another person. And yes – I understand that ‘no strings attached sex’ with a friend, or a fling, or an ex or a one night stand, are all ways that you can get it without being involved in a serious relationship. But, when I say I miss sex, I’m not just talking about the physical part of it. I’m talking about all the other stuff that comes with it that you can’t get on your own, or from a friend, a fling, an ex (although I know that’s debatable for some), or a one night stand. It’s definitely one of the things that truly sucks about being single.

sex-and-the-city-tv-p119I truly think that Sex and the City opened up a whole new way for woman to think about sex – and I do think it’s empowering that woman don’t have to feel guily about enjoying sex outside of a serious relationship. I mean, let’s face it – men have been doing it for years and although all the studies and research say that woman are much more ’emotional’ when it comes to sex, I dont’ believe that’s true for ALL women. I DO believe that some women ‘can have sex like men’ (as they say in the Sex and the City pilot episode), and I don’t see anything wrong with that. But although women might be able to do that – is physically good sex really as good as emotionally good sex? I haven’t had one without the other, so I can’t really comment personally. For some people, it might be – but I’m pretty sure that’s not the case with me. So even though I’m sure there are ways for me to get what I need physically, it’s not going to fulfill all of those other things that I’m missing when I say that I miss sex; the comfort, the intimacy, the closeness – all that stuff that you really only get from being with someone you care about. And as cliche and traditional as it might sound, I do believe that that’s when sex is the best – and that’s what I miss.

In the mean time, I try and make light of the subject with my friends whenever talk turns to sex – joking that I feel as though my virginity has probably grown back (yes – I know that this is not physically possible), or that they’d better keep a close eye on their boyfriends/fiancees lest I lose my self control. I guess the good news is that if I’ve had great sex with a guy that wasn’t the one for me, it can only get better with the one who is……right?

28
Mar
09

I’m just not that into you

Yes, I’ve been MIA. To be honest, just haven’t felt like writing lately. I wish I could say it’s because I fell madly in love with S. and have been spending every waking minute with him….

Yeah. That didn’t happen.

Sure, things looked promising after our first date. Although looking back, I think I was more wrapped up in the fact that I went on a blind date with someone who could actually carry a conversation and had something in common with me – my expectations for blind dates have been so low that anything above having to carry a conversation all by myself, started to seem like long-term potential. S. is a very nice guy – and he’s wonderful….for someone else.

I’m starting to understand why men sometimes say that women can be hypocrites. We say we want one thing, and then when we get it, we don’t want it anymore. This is what happened with S. After our first date, S. was clearly very interested in me…he texted me a lot. He emailed a lot. He kept dropping the ‘we’ and talking about things we could do in the summer, down the road etc. What girl doesn’t want a guy who is attentive? Who calls when he says he’s going to? Who thinks about me? Although I found it a little bit much so early, I could see that he was interested and of course, was flattered.

On our second date though – it definitely got to be too much. He was almost a completely different person. Very excited to see me, agreed with everything I said, was proposing things for the future, wanted to hug/touch me a lot, etc, etc. All of this was 100% harmless – I’m making him sound like an obsessed stalker, which he definitely wasn’t. As my friend A. told me, “You don’t want a guy who’s been around the block too much. This is just his ‘lack of game.'” Well – maybe true, but I immediately started pulling away because it was starting to make me very uncomfortable and I was feeling incredible pressure. I was nowhere near that interested in him, and even though he came on strong, I’m not sure that after our second date things would have been any different even if he hadn’t. Our conversation was still a lot of surface talk and felt strained at times. He obviously didn’t think so, and went as far as to propose a day trip for our third date – that was kind of the nail in the coffin for me, and I told him flat out that I thought it was a bit soon for that. I did agree to a third dinner date, where he seemed to back off a bit (I think the was starting to get the hint), but it was too late at this point and I didn’t feel an attraction (or even desire to spend more time with him) whatsoever.

I am  looking for a guy who has his own opinions and own mind, and will take charge once and awhile. This is DEFINITELY not S. Everytime I tried to get him to make a decision about what we should do, where we should go, what movie we should see, where we should go for coffee etc….he always left it up to me. That might be for some people, but it’s not for me. I appreciate he wanted my input, but even when I would put it back on him, he always wanted to do whatever my preference was. As an independent, single women, I make those decisions and take control in every other aspect of my life – all on my own. I guess that’s why I’m looking for someone who will take that over once and awhile…

What sucks about all of this, is that I had told my friends, co-workers (also my friends) and family about this date – it seemed to be the most promising out of all the ones I’d been on. And when things didn’t work out? I felt awful. Because I know that they all care about me, and want me to meet someone great that will make me happy. And everytime I go on a date and it doesn’t work out, I feel like I’m disappointing people.  I hated that I was going to have to go back and tell everyone that once again, I didn’t feel anything for someone. The same ‘he’s good on paper’ line that I have fed to them over, and over, and over. I’m starting to think that they might think I’m crazy. That I’m absolutely incapable of ever feeling that for someone – that I don’t think anyone is ‘good enough’ for me. And the scariest part about that, is that I’m starting to wonder if it’s true. Am I so messed up emotionally and mentally that I subconciously can’t allow myself to go there with anyone? Have I been single for so long, and gotten so used to being on my own that I don’t know how to incorporate someone else into my life? Or don’t…want to? Has my relationship/friendship with X, and my disappointment with my last crush made me completely incapable of trusting that someone might not hurt me? I just feel like I’m never going to have those feelings for anyone else again and it makes me just want to give up and stop trying.

So, I just wasn’t that into him. And although it was weird being on the other side of that equation (and finally ‘getting it’ – that book/movie makes so much more sense now because I was SO the guy in this situation), it’s hard to wonder if I’ll EVER be that into ‘him’….




Archives

Blog Stats

  • 30,480 hits