Today I saw “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.” It was a beautiful, and thoughtful movie that really got me thinking about life and fate. Most of the time, we’re in such a rush to enjoy the good things in life that we sweep over the seemingly insignificant moments of the journey along the way. Or we waste significant parts of our lives waiting, and hoping and wishing for something that just isn’t meant to come our way yet. There is a reason that they say “Patience is a virtue.” Unfortunately, it’s a virtue that doesn’t come easily to me (I get that from my Dad 🙂 )
The amount of time I think about being single is….significant. I’m constantly wondering when and if it’s ever going to be my turn to meet someone special in my life – or – if I’ve met him already; someone from my past, or someone I’ve simply passed on the street.
After seeing the movie today, it got me thinking about all the tiny, seemingly insignificant decisions we make everyday that can effectively change the outcome of our lives. Do we take the bus or drive? Do we bring lunch to work, or go out to eat? Take a trip to the gym after work, or go right home? If we make one choice, are we missing out on something else? I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m starting to think there is a good and intentional purpose for why I’m still single. For whatever reason, it’s not my time yet. Maybe if I were to meet the man of my dreams at this point in my life, I wouldn’t be ready to let him in and we’d simply end up crossing paths. Maybe my ‘last crush’ (as he’s come to be known in this blog) is supposed to be more than just that, but we met at the wrong time. Maybe the two people from my past who have recently come back into my life (and who I’m not big fans of) will somehow be the people who connect me to something or someone else that ultimately has a positive impact on my life.
This is no secret formula. Call it what you will – patience, positive thinking, law of attraction, fate, kismet. Those of you who are as lonely as I am know how difficult and emotionally draining it is to continue staying positive – to keep that belief that we deserve someone special and that he will come along. Instead of trying to stay positive about that, perhaps our energy is better spent at seeing the intricacies of how one thing leads to another; truly believing that everything does happen for a reason, that that when it’s our time – we’ll be ready and it will be worth that wait. And that if ‘it’ were to have happened at any other point in our lives – it never would have worked. I can think back on so many significant circumstances in my life that were connected to very seemingly insignificant events…
I think that those of us who have experienced these intense depths of loneliness won’t help but have a greater sense of appreciation when ‘it’ finally happens for us. It’s easy to take things and people in life for granted when you haven’t experienced what it’s like to live without, or to have wanted it so badly. Like the kid who is given a new toy vs. the kid who has to work to earn his/her own money for the toy; it tends to mean more and you have a deeper sense of appreciation when you’ve worked hard or waited long for somethng. So as painful as it is now, I know that when ‘it’ finally happens for me, I won’t have the sense or capibility to take that person for granted – and that is something I should be thankful for.