Posts Tagged ‘love

15
Feb
10

Happy Belated Love Day

I have not forgotten about you readers! But I have been incredibly busy enjoying this wild and crazy Olympic adventure. Highlights to date? Monitoring a section of dignitaries and yesterday’s figure skating event, which included Joe Biden, former Prime Minister Jean Chretien, and the ISU and IOC dignitaries. Quite an experience!

Living the Olympics in my home country has been so amazing and rewarding. The Canadian pride and spirit is everywhere, and I have met some of the most wonderful people. Most of the great conversations have happened with perfect strangers, as we’ve just struck up a conversation on the bus or sky train about how we’ve been spending our time in Vancouver, what events we’ve been to etc, etc. The people in this city are beyond friendly and warm, and everyone is feeling that Canadian, Olympic spirit.

I have spend the last two Valentine’s Days with G&W and B&C – last year the five of us were downing pina coladas in Miami! This Valentine’s Day, I met up with two fellow volunteers and my aunt, and we celebrated Canada’s first gold medal at a small restaurant/bar near the Waterfront in Vancouver. A few champagne cocktails and a piece of chocolate mousse cake later, and we were feeling the love for sure! My volunteer friend, L. even picked up the tab as a little Valentine for us three ladies 🙂 It was nice to have a Valentine’s Day where I did not think about being single even for a second….I was just having too much fun!

I hope that you were able to spend Valentine’s Day with someone you love or care about, or that maybe you didn’t ‘celebrate’ it at all! Either way, I’m sending you Olympic love from Vancouver, Canada!

A rare, sunny Valentine's Day in Vancouver! View of BC Place from the Sky Train on my way to work

04
Jun
09

Settle down, or just settle?

gottliebI’ve never been one who believes in settling. My Slim Pickins post is proof of that. I’ve always believed in holding out for that person who will be your friend, your lover and your partner – someone you click with mentally, emotionally and physically. My friends and family would probably say I’m a helpless romantic actually. But I have to wonder where all of my hopeless romanticism comes from. I mean – let’s face it. From the time you’re old enough to understand images and words, you’re bombarded with fairytales and movies about nice pretty ladies and princesses finding their prince charming. Heck – this continues into your teen years! So how can single women NOT be hopeless romantics? We’re waiting for the ONE – the ONE that gives us butterflies, and leaves us speechless, and sweeps us off our feet, and wants to marry us, and….. isn’t a jerk. I believe in that – I truly do.

But….

Is it realistic to think that it’s going to happen to all of us? Statistically, I mean. I believe (now, more than ever) that finding someone who will love you, and want to be with you for the rest of your life, is a gift. And you truly are lucky, if out of a universe of six billion people on this planet, you actually meet and connect with the person who fulfills you and will love you no matter what – and that those feelings are mutual between you. So yes – with those odds, I can’t truly say that I believe that kind of love (and I’m not even talking marriage) will happen for all of us.

So – what’s a single girl to do? It’s true that it could happen for me – but no one really knows. And at the end of the day, sometimes I DO think that I’d rather just settle than be single. Not now of course – I know I’m still young. But if push came to shove, and 10 years from now I was still alone, I’m not sure I could honestly say that I wouldn’t think about it. Although I’ve been a big advocate of not settling, I read a really interesting and intriguing article the other day that made me look at ‘settling’ in a different light. We all know that our lives aren’t fairytales. Maybe I’m never going to meet someone who has ALL of the things I’m looking for. So, if I have to sacrifice “the spark” to be with someone I care about, have fun with, and would be willing to have a partnership with – then is that really so bad? Or maybe we have great physical chemistry, but aren’t always on the same page emotionally. Having someone to share things with, enjoy life with and grow old with – whether we get married, or just agree to commit to each other? Passion, sparks, romance – over time, this diminishes anyway, and marriages and partnerships are never perfect all the time. There will always be rough patches where people want out. So, why is settling with someone who’s maybe just a friend, any different than having a less than perfect relationship (as most relationships are)? Maybe there’s a point where we have to make the decision to be alone or be happy – some of us can make the two mutually exclusive and some of us can’t. And although I’m truly undecided on this topic, I’m starting to think that there’s nothing wrong with either….

I encourage you to read Lisa Gottlieb’s article and let me know what you think.

05
Mar
09

Love-Sci

Is it just me, or is there more and more information out there about love being a ‘science’; match-making theories based on genetics, biology, DNA etc.? Or theories about how the natural ‘smell’ that we give off, or the way we blink or dart our eyes at someone, is evidence of our attraction to them?

A few weeks ago, I watched a special on 20/20 that tested the research of some doctor (who wrote a book called “Why Him? Why Her?“) who claims that every human being fits into one of four categories based on certain characteristics. She claims that certain pairings of these four different personality types are more successful than others. But, turns out that after following a few potential couples of these ‘ideal’ pairings, none really stuck. Coincidence? Maybe. I mean, there are still so many other things that have to match in order to make a relationship work.

The show also followed a few couples who were matched by a professional, $30,000 a pop, matchmaker. After intensive conversation with her clients, determining the ideal qualities they would each look for in a partner, she would strategically match them up and send them on dates. The gentleman whose story they were following went on two dates – the girl he liked, didn’t like him back – and the one he didn’t like, believed they had a ‘connection.’ Another failed attempt. What was funny about all of this, was that the last couple they featured was an Indian couple brought together by their families in an arranged marriage; literally chosen out of a newspaper ad that listed no personal characteristics whatsover – just facts about his/her occupation, education, and wealth. Despite meeting only once before their wedding, this couple has been happily married (and in love) for over one year. Coincidence again? That after the five matches featured on the show, this was the one that was the most successful?

So IS there a science to it? Some magic formula? Do theories, and genetics and personality characteristics really play a part, or is the whole thing just luck? Right time, right place, and different elements of two people that just happen to mesh well? Is it more important that our upbringing and education and job title equate to our partner’s for a relationship to be successful? Horoscopes have been around for ages – and do you think that a happy couple whose astrological signs don’t really match, are doomed to fail? And doesn’t the thought of some scientific theory, or personality matching system or astrological pairing – just take the fun and mystery out of it all? (OK, so that was a long series of rhetorical questions…)

I did the personality test that was featured on 20/20 (you can do it to – for free- by signing up here), and I would definitely say that the results were right on the money with the kind of person I am. Having said that – we are each individuals. And someone who is the same personality type as me won’t neccessarily be attracted to or interested in the same guy that I might be. I guess what I’m trying to say (not so eloquently) about all of this, is that I just don’t really buy it. I don’t think that these personality tests and theories and scientific evidence about our genetics and DNA and the ‘scents’ that we give off, really have anything to do with finding a match. I truly think it’s based on two factors: luck and timing. Things we like about someone, and things we don’t like about someone. And that is individual for every single person on the planet. So, until I see more scientific evidence that proves the success and happinness of couples based on any of these theories, I’m giong to enjoy the mystery of wondering who the guy I end up with might be.

Another item for my Single Girl’s Survival List (I believe this is #17, for those who have been following): I LOVE having a queen size bed all to myself. I sprawl out every night and don’t have to fight for covers, pillows or space.

19
Jan
09

Marrying Me

For those of you experiencing these frigid Canadian temperatures sweeping through the country right now, you’ll understand why I locked myself inside and hibernated this weekend. As I was flipping through the oh-so-exciting Saturday afternoon TV, I cam across this super cheesey, made-for-TV movie called “I Me Wed.” Despite the cheese factor, the premise behind the movie was actually kind of inspiring.

After constantly having to defend why she’s single to all of her friends, the protagonist decides that she’s going to marry herself. Literally. At first, it’s just because she’s sick of people constantly trying to set her up or find out why she’s still single – particularly because she enjoys being single and has no desire to get married. Then, it becomes a bit more about trying to make this statement: that being single does not mean there is something wrong with you. That being married or in a couple should NOT be an expectation. And that being married or in a couple does not define who you are. So – she buys a wedding dress, sends out invitations and hires her best gay friend as her wedding planner. Of course, through the course of all this, she meets a young, handsome, ‘ not-her-type’ contractor, and ends up marrying him in the end….too. But – let’s just forget about that part…weddings-in-vienna-11

On a boring Saturday afternoon, the movie got me thinking. The concept of marrying yourself IS kind of inspiring.  Think about the purpose of getting married – committing your life to someone you love more than anyone; vowing to love, honour and cherish, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, until….death do you part? (OK – most of it fits).

The question is: why shouldn’t single girls be committing themselves to this?? Even just the concept of it is something single girls should strive for (myself included) – we should commit to doing all of those things to ourselves! Maybe we SHOULD create an occasion to celebrate our singlness!? Why NOT buy a fancy dress and have your friends over for a party? Why not register somewhere nice and have people bring you gifts to celebrate your OWN life?? Just because we’re living single doesn’t mean we don’t need china, nice dishes and a waffle iron too…

The funniest thing about all of this is that I actually Googled ‘how to marry yourself.’ Turns out, there is a TON of stuff out there about people who are trying to follow this very concept! So, who knows – don’t be surprised if you someday find yourself getting an invite to a wedding for a couple named “me and myself!”

SIDE NOTE: For those of you in the USA – us Canadians might steal your President for ourselves! So looking forward to watching the history-making inauguration tomorrow….enjoy!

01
Oct
08

The Ex Factor: Can you be friends?

I would love to know if there is one good answer to this question. I have heard SO many different opinions about this very topic and I never know which one is right. I’ve come to learn that this depends on a lot of things.

Last night I went out with my ex for a drink. We broke up exactly four years ago, but we have managed to remain good friends. There are several reasons for this – first of all, “X” and I worked together so it wasn’t really an option for us not to get along. Secondly, I had become very good friends with his sister and her fiancee, to the point where they are now my two best friends in the world. Lastly, X and I didn’t have a bad break-up. It was completely mutual and there was no real anger or resentment. We always had a great time together but at the end of the day, we didn’t really have the same expectations of what we wanted in the relationship. X has remained an important staple in my life, and is still someone who knows me better than anyone. But before I go any further, let me preface the rest of this post by saing that there is zero chance of us ever getting back together. We are better as friends than we ever were as a couple, and we are both on the same page with that. But, as Carrie Bradshaw once said in a Sex and the City episode, “If you love someone, and you break-up – where does the love go?”

Having said that, it wasn’t smooth sailing to figure out the whole friendship thing. There are definitely new boundaries that have to be drawn and some ties that need to be cut. When X starting dating someone a year after our break-up, it was incredibly difficult for me, as X and I had settled into this really good, post-break-up friendship. And despite the fact that I can say with absolute certainty that X and I will never get back together, it still felt as though someone was moving in on my territory. Trying to be friends during that year was made even harder by the fact that X’s new girlfriend was not happy that he had any ties to me whatsoever, and he inevitably ended up pulling away. When they broke up a year later, X and I were able to reconnect as friends as though nothing had ever happened.

I always “poo-pooed” my girlfriends who would argue that there was no way you could be friends with an ex, demonstrating that X and I were a great example of that exact thing. But several months ago, X and I had a BIG falling out. We didn’t talk for six months, whereas we had barely gone a month without talking before. Sadly, I can say with pretty solid certainty that X and I wouldn’t have had this argument had we never dated. It’s hard to stop some of those “girlfriend” type behaviours that come along with being friends with an ex, especially when you have dated a long time, or have continued to have them in your life and have never broken those habits. And although X was far from innocent in this situation, I will admit that my reaction was not warranted either, based on the fact that a lot of my anger stemmed from that type of gf behavior that’s hard to get rid of. It wasn’t until this falling out that I did really start to question whether or not exes can really be friends – do you ever fully let go of those habits? I had never doubted this before.

X and I patched things up over drinks last night, which I’m really relieved about. It has been awful and awkward when we’ve hung out with his sister and brother-in-law (made more complicated by the fact that I was the Maid of Honour and X was the Best Man at their wedding, during the time we weren’t speaking). He’ll always be in my life given my relationship with his sister, but I’m much more cautious now about how involved of a friendship we will have, and I’m sad to say that I’m not sure we’ll be as close as we were before this falling out. And maybe that’s better..? I don’t know.

Anyone have thoughts/experiences to share on this topic?

I had to include the below clip from one of my favourite movies, “When Harry Met Sally”. No one can expalain male/female realationships/friendships like Billy Crystal!

21
Sep
08

Maybe long-term singleness is in the DNA

Tonight I ran into one of my cousins at the bar. I think M’s a great catch- he has the tall, dark and handsome thing going on, has a great job, definitely has no problem meeting girls and would definitely fall hard for the right one. But, at the age of 29, M’s only been in one (very long and dramatic) serious relationship – same as me. It’s made me start to wonder whether or not I’m genetically pre-dispositioned to be single until “later” in life. After all, it seems to run in my family – on both sides no less.

M. and I aren’t anomalies. My  mom’s always saying that I come from a family of “late bloomers” – none of my cousins (there’s about 20 of us) were ever in a lot of long-term relationships. Most only had 1 or 2 at the absolute most. In addition, many of them didn’t have memorable long-term relationships, or get married, until they were at least 30 or older. Even my mom didn’t get married until she was 25 (and 30 years ago, that was considered late!) On the other side of my family, my cousin had been single for as long as I can remember; I’m pretty sure she only had one boyfriend back in high school. But she’s been busy spending the last ten years working towards her PHD and building a life for herself, and now, at the age of 37, she’s met someone. Within less than a year, she was engaged.

Is it really possible that something like this could be genetic? When you think about it, we definiely inherit traits – I would consider most of the people in my family (and it’s a big one!) to be very sincere, kind, and loyal to a fault. There aren’t many “bad apples” in our family so to speak; for the most part, we all get along and our family relationships are important to us. Given that, I think it would make sense that we’d be looking for a lot of these same things in a long-term partner and wouldn’t settle for any less. It seems to be a common theme amongst my cousins that we don’t fall often, but when we do, we fall hard. Is that really so bad?

When it comes to love, I’m of the “go big, or go home” camp – you have to give 100% if it’s going to be worth it, and you really have to be feelin’ it if you’re going to commit that much to someone. M. and I are both good catches, but we’re not willing to settle for just anyone because we’re lonely. So if that’s in the genetics and/or upbringing, than kudos to our parents. I’m proud to come from a blood line of those who aren’t willing to settle so easily, and am taking solace in the fact that maybe it’s just not my time yet 🙂




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