Posts Tagged ‘Me

25
Jan
10

The Buried Life

I have never really given much thought to having a formal ‘Bucket List‘ in my life. However, I think everyone has a mental list of things that they’d like to do/experience at some point before they die and for me, going to the Olympics was probably one of the things I’ve had on my unofficial bucket list for as long as I can remember. I’m not sure I even thought I’d get to do it in my own country, and I certainly never dreamed I’d get to participate in the whole thing. It feels great to be able to cross something like this off my ‘unofficial’ list, and now I can’t stop thinking about the things I’m going to want to do next. Again, this is where being single certainly has its advantages – I’m free to explore and act on my bucket list with no one holding me back…

MTV has recently started airing a show called “The Buried Life“, about four university guys who have set out to complete their bucket list of 100 items. For every item they cross of their list, they help a stranger cross something off their list as well. If you haven’t seen this show, and even if you wouldn’t include yourself among the ‘MTV generation’, I seriously recommend checking it out (you can watch the episodes commercial free online – note: this links to MTV Canada). I find it completely inspiring, and it has certainly got me thinking about creating my own official list now that I’ve actually been able to cross something off it. And although going to the Olympics is not that much of an unattainable goal, the sheer happiness of having done something on my list is momentum enough to keep going. As one of the guys says in the first episode: “Get busy livin’, or get busy dyin’!”

I looked up why these guys wanted to call their show “The Buried Life” – turns out, it’s because of a poem by the famous poet and critic Matthew Arnold, who I actually spent some time studying in university:

But often, in the world’s most crowded streets,
But often, in the din of strife,
There rises an unspeakable desire
After the knowledge of our buried life;
A thirst to spend our fire and restless force
In tracking out our true, original course…

Wise words indeed….

16
Jan
10

Resolution Recap

So- we’re about two weeks into the New Year; time to take stock of how the resolutions are going.

I’ve cooked one new recipe in the crockpot – Beef and Cabbage. I guess it was healthy….didn’t have any of the condensed soups filled with sodium that seem to be in every other crockpot recipe I’ve found. Probably wouldn’t make it again though, as I didn’t find it all that flavorful. I borrowed a Healthy Recipes crockpot book from my friend J., so I’m hoping to photocopy some recipes from that and get my groove on with the cooking. There’s nothing like getting home after a long day and having dinner already made. If I don’t have a man to do it, a crockpot seems like the next best thing….

Spinning. Nope. Haven’t attempted the non-beginner’s class yet, and haven’t done the two-a-week. I am blatantly failing at this resolution. However, I have added two other additional classes to my workout schedule so I feel as though that balances it out a bit – and I’m feeling good. The two new classes are a combination of cardio AND strength training so at least I feel like I’m killing two birds with one stone. I didn’t realize it would be so hard to get back into shape after being off for just two weeks, but MAN! That first class back was brutal.

Getting my finances in order. This is going well. I’ve set up an automatic payment plan to start paying my parents back, and am saving the wee bit of extra cash (from the raise I negotiated for myself back in the fall – : ) into a tax-free savings account. Feeling good about where I stand here for now, and hoping it will stick…

X. This is still a work in progress but it IS progressing – even if I have to consciously work on it. It’s been quite some time since X and I have talked or emailed, and I’m really starting to see that it is better this way. Much better, actually. I still hate to admit that – it feels like I’ve failed at having a friendship with X but I’m starting to see why it’s better that I don’t. He’s still dating his gf, and as much as I hate to admit it, it does give me a wee bit of satisfaction that B&C have confided to me that they don’t like her – at all. I’m not surprised as even the little I’ve seen them together, something is off. X is lonely and digging his own hole – it’s not up to me to save him anymore. How he deals with his own loneliness is entirely up to him. I’m nervous that we’re going to start seeing each other weekly now, as our dodgeball league starts this week. It’s been so long since I’ve even talked/seen him that I know it will be awkward, but I’m determined not to  let the fact that I have to see him weekly set me back. I feel like I’m at a place now where at least I’m taking 2 steps forward and 1 step back, as opposed to 1 step forward and 2 back. That’s progress.

How are your resolutions going?

P.S. May I also just add that I will be touching down in Vancouver three weeks today. UBER excited to be volunteering at the Olympics in my home country!!!

06
Jan
10

A New Year….

Another New Year.

I have to admit that I’m one of those people who buys into the hype of New Year’s resolutions, and starting fresh. While I hate the overrated activities of New Year’s Eve (it really IS just another day), there is something about January 1st that is generally encouraging and hopeful. Some people say, “But you can start fresh any day – it’s all in the attitude” – and I agree. But you have to admit that there is something about a new year that just makes it easier to start…well…new.

I am also a believer in New Year’s resolutions. Yes, many don’t keep, but some do and have helped me a lot. Lots of my fellow bloggers have been listing some of their New Year’s resolutions so I figured I’d do the same. The trick is to tell someone what they are (this makes you a bit more accountable), and make them small things that are achievable in steps. So, mine are (in no particular order):

– Up my once a week spinning class to two per week. Within this resolution, attempt a non-beginners class.
– Find new recipes for the crockpot and use it more. Within this resolution, find healthy recipes.
– Get my finances in order. This means paying back my folks, and putting more in savings each month.
– Stop worrying so much about what other people will think if I do, or don’t do, X or Y. (Baby steps on this; one person and one decision at a time…)
– Recover, heal, close-off, find peace, recuperate, detox…whatever it is, to put my relationship with X behind me for good. Within this resolution, celebrate the baby steps I achieve in this process. (Opting out of B&C’s New Years house party, for the second year in a row, was a good start here…)
Lastly, when struggling with being single and being lonely, remember and BELIEVE these words from my cousin, E: “The things you wish for will come your way – that is a guarantee. But, they won’t come until they’re meant to come.  You wouldn’t want it any other way because life has a way of unfolding in the way it is supposed to and if you try to force it to do something other than that, things turn messy.”

It’s hard to imagine what’s going to transpire for me over this next year. My Olympic experience will no doubt be life-changing. And at the same time, I’m trying to approach this year with no expectations – I’m not hoping for anything special, or convincing myself that this is the year that this, or that, is going to happen. I’m going to just focus on me, and what I’m doing in the moment – what will be, will be. (Although easier said than done, me thinks!)

So – best of luck with your New Year’s resolutions! I’ll try and keep you posted on mine as the year goes on….which reminds me, I should also add “Blog more regularly” to my list of resos!

23
Dec
09

the men in my life

Last week, I spent a night out at the mall doing some Christmas shopping with my Dad. We ran around trying to get some gifts taken care of, and enjoyed a nice gourmet dinner in the mall food court. I had such a good time hanging out with him and chatting, just the two of us. When I still lived at home, there was usually about an hour in between the time that my Mom and brother got home that Dad and I would chat, and start getting dinner ready. Having lived on my own for a couple of years now, it’s rare that my Dad and I spend a lot of time together, just him and me.

After I got home that night, it donned on me. I have some pretty amazing men in my life. My Dad is one of them. My brother is another. They’re two of the most sincere, genuine, kind, funny and caring men I have ever known. My Dad would do anything for me – truly. And my brother….he’s wise beyond his years, and someone that I, despite being his older sister, really look up to. You’d be hard pressed to find anyone who would have a bad word to say about either or them. My Dad has no problem starting spontaneous conversations with the most random people – from the sales guy at the GAP, to the vendors at the market he goes to every day for lunch (he’s on a first-name basis with all of them). He has such a genuinely warm personality and this honest sense of humour, that people immediately feel comfortable around him, and it doesn’t take long for him to earn their trust and respect. People really can’t help but love him.

That being said, it makes it easier for me to understand why I’m still single. There’s nothing I hate more than when people accuse ‘singles’ of being picky. Sure, some of them are. But my expectations are reasonable, and I refuse to lower them. I have grown-up with some amazing men who have shown me what it means to be a good man – to be kind and thoughtful, strong but not macho, sensitive but not weak, confident but not cocky, and successful at managing the important relationships in life. AND – good to the women they love and care about. Having grown up with models like that, how could I settle for anything less? John Mayer sums it up better than I ever could here. Enjoy.

“On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world…

Fathers be good to your daughters.
Daughters will love like you do.
Girls become lovers, who turn into mothers.
So Fathers be good to your daughters too.”

28
Aug
09

Sleepy…

Sleepy KittyI have lots to write about from recent goings on/news (and yes – it’s X-related. Shocker.) But I am so exhausted right now that I don’t think I’ll stay awake to write a full post. I’ve been suffering from insomnia the past few nights with all this stuff going on in my head, and am barely able to stay focused at work or keep my eyes open. Thank goodness going to the gym has been a great outlet, although it’s contributing to my exhaustion – which is even more frustrating because I’m tired and can’t sleep!!

When you’re going through tough stuff, do you ever just wish that you could lock yourself up in your house for a few days and forget the rest of the world exists? Just until you can get your head on straight again? That’s how I’m feeling right now….tough stuff sucks. But – I  know I will get through this in one piece, and that things will get better. You can only feel down for so long, right? Trying to look at this as a simple roadblock/’fall-off-the-wagon’ moment in my X-rehab plan.

More of an update after this weekend (and some sleep…..zzzzzzzz).

11
Aug
09

Spin baby, spin!

In the name of posting more often, and about things not always related to singleness, let me  say this…

spin_classI’ve becoming addicted to spin class.

Let me start by saying that never in a billion years did I think that I would ever be someone who enjoys going to the gym. I was never athletic as a child; never played sports or got involved in teams. Got teased in gym class and was a total music geek at school. To this day, I’m sure this has significantly contributed to my low self-esteem, which in turn – has contributed to my feelings about being single and what it means. After I started to believe that I wasn’t athletic, I never wanted to try anything even remotely physical for fear of embarrassment. Needless to say, going to the gym was never a top priority on my list – I was convinced that everyone would just look at me like I didn’t belong there.

About 2 and a half years ago, my Mom decided to join the gym Curves. I had just left home, and she convinced me that a) not only should I be doing something physical to stay healthy and in shape, but b) it would be a good opportunity for us to meet up a few times a week. I started going about three times a week, and really enjoyed it. I felt better that I was doing something to stay healthy, and it was the most non-intimidating gym experience ever – all women, and most were about 40+. But, after about 2 years, I felt like I wasn’t getting much out of it, and the circuit was starting to get boring. I was TERRIFIED to join a regular gym, with crazy, in-shape people. But when I weighed the options (ex. the membership was significantly less with the corporate discount they offered, and it’s literally just down the street) I decided to just bit the bullet and do it.

Now – I love it.

Don’t get me wrong – I was NOT in good shape, and am still not really in good shape (I’ve been a member for about 6 weeks). But I feel SO GOOD when I come out! I love to sweat, and I can do whatever I want – classes, machines, weights  – my friend A. has been a big help in showing me some exercises that I can do to target certain areas. It’s key to do this or get a personal trainer if you want to get the most out of a membership.

I was completely convinced I would never try spinning/cycle – I’ve seen it on TV and movies, and it scared the crap out of me. People racing on stationary bikes, instructors yelling and screaming – not for me. However, my Mom and I bit the bullet and tried a beginner spin class one night – and I’ve been hooked every since. Turns out, it’s not that I’m not athletic at all! Sports was just never my thing. I’ve discovered that I love being pushed, I love sweating my face off – and the instructor is awesome and NOT scary. She makes the class fun, engaging and given that she’s not your typical ‘gym bunny’ instructor, it’s much less intimidating. And no, I can’t do everything that everyone else in the class does. Sometimes, I can’t do the full resistance and I can’t do all the reps – I have to take breaks or slow down now and then. But – I can always do more than I think I can, and that’s been a really pleasant surprise…

All this to say that going to the gym regularly has really helped me in the whole ‘concentrating on myself’ thing. I feel great when I get out of class, and find that it’s helping to very slowly, slowly increase my confidence and the way I feel about myself. It’s also given me something else to focus on, and a good way to spend my alone time instead of lamenting about my lonely, single life. Here’s hoping that I can continue to focus on me for awhile – as much as I love spin now, it’s really only been 6 weeks – totally possible this is just a honeymoon phase, but I’ll keep you posted.

I guess the moral of this post is step outside your comfort zone. Do something that you might not think you like. Focus on yourself for awhile. You might be surprised at the results…




Archives

Blog Stats

  • 30,435 hits