Posts Tagged ‘patience


A New Year….

Another New Year.

I have to admit that I’m one of those people who buys into the hype of New Year’s resolutions, and starting fresh. While I hate the overrated activities of New Year’s Eve (it really IS just another day), there is something about January 1st that is generally encouraging and hopeful. Some people say, “But you can start fresh any day – it’s all in the attitude” – and I agree. But you have to admit that there is something about a new year that just makes it easier to start…well…new.

I am also a believer in New Year’s resolutions. Yes, many don’t keep, but some do and have helped me a lot. Lots of my fellow bloggers have been listing some of their New Year’s resolutions so I figured I’d do the same. The trick is to tell someone what they are (this makes you a bit more accountable), and make them small things that are achievable in steps. So, mine are (in no particular order):

– Up my once a week spinning class to two per week. Within this resolution, attempt a non-beginners class.
– Find new recipes for the crockpot and use it more. Within this resolution, find healthy recipes.
– Get my finances in order. This means paying back my folks, and putting more in savings each month.
– Stop worrying so much about what other people will think if I do, or don’t do, X or Y. (Baby steps on this; one person and one decision at a time…)
– Recover, heal, close-off, find peace, recuperate, detox…whatever it is, to put my relationship with X behind me for good. Within this resolution, celebrate the baby steps I achieve in this process. (Opting out of B&C’s New Years house party, for the second year in a row, was a good start here…)
Lastly, when struggling with being single and being lonely, remember and BELIEVE these words from my cousin, E: “The things you wish for will come your way – that is a guarantee. But, they won’t come until they’re meant to come.  You wouldn’t want it any other way because life has a way of unfolding in the way it is supposed to and if you try to force it to do something other than that, things turn messy.”

It’s hard to imagine what’s going to transpire for me over this next year. My Olympic experience will no doubt be life-changing. And at the same time, I’m trying to approach this year with no expectations – I’m not hoping for anything special, or convincing myself that this is the year that this, or that, is going to happen. I’m going to just focus on me, and what I’m doing in the moment – what will be, will be. (Although easier said than done, me thinks!)

So – best of luck with your New Year’s resolutions! I’ll try and keep you posted on mine as the year goes on….which reminds me, I should also add “Blog more regularly” to my list of resos!


Don’t Stop Believin’…? Really?

Last night I went out with a group of friends, including a friend of B&C’s who I’ve gotten to know over the last few years. CS has either been single, or in a relationship with her off/on boyfriend for as long as I’ve known her. The last few years – she’s been mostly single. I loved when she would come out with the group of us because not only was she another single person, but she’s super outgoing and lots of fun.

About a year ago, CS met D. They had both went to the same high school at the same time, but didn’t really know each other. Well, years later, they ran into each other at a bar here in town, and started dating. Recently, they got engaged. Last night, CS was asking me about my dating life and how things were going. I told her that I was on a break from dating and ready to give up on the whole thing. She told me that she knew exactly how I felt, because she had been there only a year ago. But she said, “I am honestly so lucky to have met D., and I never in a million years imagined that I could be this happy. If someone had told me 5 years ago that I was going to meet “the one”  and here’s when, I wouldn’t have spent the last 5 years worrying so much about how I was never going to find someone. You just never know the day it’s going to happen….”

Alright. Fair enough. But here’s my issue with this. I don’t believe that everyone is going to find someone. And to be honest, that worries me, because I don’t want to be one of those people who is alone for the rest of my life. Believe me – I wish I didn’t care whether or not I was going to be one of those people. But the fact is, I do, and I’m terrified. With all the people in the world, and given how hard it’s been to meet someone to-date, it just doesn’t seem feasible or realistic to think that everyone is going to find someone that they want to be with.

Now, I recognize that I’m too young (27) to make a sweeping assumption like that, but at the same time – I haven’t met anyone in the last five years that I’ve even wanted to date/have a relationship with. I mean – how hard is it to meet someone that you could maybe learn to like?? No one around me seems to be having this problem. Sure – I have 2 single friends, but both have had at least some resemblance of a relationship within the last few years, and I have not even felt like I’ve met someone I’ve wanted to have a relationship with. (This make me sounds incredibly picky, but I’m confident my expectations are reasonable). Everyone I know keeps telling me that it’s going to happen for me, that I just have to be patient. But how do they know? They’re not looking into any crystal balls. And they’re not the ones who experience this excrutiating loneliness on a daily basis, with the overwhelming fear that it could turn into a never-ending condition.

So, is it more dangerous to continue believing and have false hope in something that’s not in the cards for you, just to be disappointed and angry later? Or is it best to have low expectations now, so that you’re pleasantly surprised? Who really knows…


Before You Get Married

A “Facebook friend” (because let’s face it…we’re not “friends” with everyone on our Facebook list) posted the link to this article, and I thought it was so good that it warranted it’s own post. I’m about halfway through the list – how about you? Enjoy!

20 Things Every Woman Should Do Before She Gets Married


Working Girl

workinggirlI have been significantly MIA lately. Mostly because I’ve been making a conscious effort NOT to think about dating. It kills me when people always tell single folks: “As soon as you stop thinking about it, BAM!” – because I don’t know about the rest of you, but when I’m trying not to think about it, I’m thinking about it. And when I’m surrounded by people who aren’t single, I’m thinking about it. So really…I’m ALWAYS thinking about it. Nonetheless, I’ve gone back on the dating diet. More-so because I’m just starting to lose hope a little, and I’m not really sure what else to do…it takes a lot of effort to stay positive about the dating scene when the single men that you DO meet make you go: “Really? Is this what I have to choose from?”

It brings me to the point of this blog. How much work should dating really be? How much effort should one really have to put into finding someone? I’ve done the online dating thing (more than once). I’ve done speed dating. I’ve spread the word to friends about my willingness to be set-up (to the point where I even feel like I’m being annoying and obnoxious), and have been on numerous blind dates. I try to put myself in situations where I can meet new people. I’ve done the bar scene. How many more avenues do I need to exhaust? Everyone says there are good single guys out there  – and I believe there are but – how hard should one have to work to find them??? Are us singe girls at a point where we have to make our dating life a full-time job, if we really want to be committed to finding someone? I know an ex-colleague who admitted to quitting her job (where I worked) and moving to the “big city” – because she wanted to meet someone. And you know what? That was two years ago, and she is still single. I mean…is this something I actually need to e thinking about??  Moving just to meet someone? And I wouldn’t say I live in a ‘small town’ either. I have simply gotten to the point where I’m starting to wonder if there’s anything more I can really do. I feel like I’ve exhausted a lot of avenues, and it’s just not happening for me – for whatever reason. I’m starting to wish that an answer would just shoot down from the sky – am I supposed to be somewhere at a certain time to meet the man of my dreams? Did I say ‘no’ to an event and miss the opportunity all together? Was there someone else I was supposed to befriend, who would have introduced us? Am I not at the job I’m supposed to be at for meeting the right person? Am I not living in the right city where I’m eventually supposed to meet my dream guy? I am thoroughly starting to understand why people participate in shows like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette – great, successful, hand-picked guys, just for you, from all over the country. But – is this where we’re at? Single girls needed to compete on reality shows just to find a guy? Man….

And  the longer I’m single, the more lonely I get. And the more lonely I get, the more I get into the living on my own/no-one else to think about/single girl routine – and that scares the crap out of me. Because the more I get comfortable with having my own life, doing my own thing, having my own routine – the more I’m scared that I won’t be able to adjust to having someone else in it – and I’ll be self-consciously afraid of letting anyone new into my life and comfort zone. I’m already scared that I’ve been so incredibly hurt and rejected by a particular handful of guys in my life that I’ll never let myself feel that for anyone again – and what if that’s why I’m still single? That sub-consciously, my heart just can’t survive the hurt again and therefore is not letting me “go there” with anyone new. How do you get past something like that, especially when that risk always exists in any potential relationship? So really – will I ever be able to let myself ‘go there’ again? Will it ever matter how hard I work at finding someone, because the result will still be the same? I don’t know…..I feel like all that leaves me with is the need to give up and stop trying – so let the dating diet continue.


all about choices

choices-quoteThere have been several people who have told me I’m choosing to be single. And that if I really wanted to be in a relationship, I could find myself a guy rather easily. I could never decide whether or not this was a compliment – that I am smart, funny, pretty enough to turn a guy’s head and am choosing to be picky, or that they’re just sick of me complaining about being single and want me to go out and do something about it. Either way, someone said this to me again the other day and for the first time, I think I actually started to take it the ‘right’ way.

The bottom line is that I don’t want to be in an unhappy relationship, or one that I feel medicore about. I guess that’s why I was never really that good at the ‘fling’ thing. I’m the type of person that is all or nothing. It’s either: “I like you and want a relationship out of this” or “We’re just friends.” As much as I wish I could, I can’t do the ”just relax, flirt, make-out and have fun” thing. I tried it this summer, and it was so exhausting having to force something that was just never going to be there – it’s just not in my nature. And it wasn’t fun, or enjoyable. (Well…maybe it was for a minute – but not long enough to be noteworthy).

So – these people are right. I AM making the choice to stay single until someone ‘right’ comes along. I am not willing to settle for the in-between, the mediocore, the drama, the ‘unsure’, the bare minimum, or the fling. I AM being picky because I deserve to be, and am having faith that it will be worth the wait. I know that my expectations are not unreasonable and I don’t expect perfection – I make a conscious effort to be open to those who may not seem to be ‘my type’ on the surface. So I have to be comfortable with the fact that I am making the choice not to lower my expectations, and that means that I might have to wait a bit longer.

Now – don’t be fooled. As confident as I sound in saying this, it’s hard to do sometimes. But, I’m learning that I have to start seeing my singleness as my choice – a good one. I’d rather make this choice than be wasting my emotions and time on someone who isn’t worth it. When I start to consciously, force myself to think about it that way, I feel a little less lonely and a little less disappointed that I haven’t found someone – because I’m making the choice to be alone.


About Timing…

clock_bigToday I saw “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.” It was a beautiful, and thoughtful movie that really got me thinking about life and fate. Most of the time, we’re in such a rush to enjoy the good things in life that we sweep over the seemingly insignificant moments of the journey along the way. Or we waste significant parts of our lives waiting, and hoping and wishing for something that just isn’t meant to come our way yet. There is a reason that they say “Patience is a virtue.” Unfortunately, it’s a virtue that doesn’t come easily to me (I get that from my Dad 🙂 )

The amount of time I think about being single is….significant. I’m constantly wondering when and if it’s ever going to be my turn to meet someone special in my life – or – if I’ve met him already; someone from my past, or someone I’ve simply passed on the street.

After seeing the movie today, it got me thinking about all the tiny, seemingly insignificant decisions we make everyday that can effectively change the outcome of our lives. Do we take the bus or drive? Do we bring lunch to work, or go out to eat? Take a trip to the gym after work, or go right home? If we make one choice, are we missing out on something else? I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m starting to think there is a good and intentional purpose for why I’m still single. For whatever reason, it’s not my time yet. Maybe if I were to meet the man of my dreams at this point in my life, I wouldn’t be ready to let him in and we’d simply end up crossing paths. Maybe my ‘last crush’ (as he’s come to be known in this blog)  is supposed to be more than just that, but we met at the wrong time. Maybe the two people from my past who have recently come back into my life (and who I’m not big fans of) will somehow be the people who connect me to something or someone else that ultimately has a positive impact on my life.

This is no secret formula. Call it what you will – patience, positive thinking, law of attraction, fate, kismet. Those of you who are as lonely as I am know how difficult and emotionally draining it is to continue staying positive – to keep that belief that we deserve someone special and that he will come along. Instead of trying to stay positive about that, perhaps our energy is better spent at seeing the intricacies of how one thing leads to another; truly believing that everything does happen for a reason, that that when it’s our time – we’ll be ready and it will be worth that wait. And that if ‘it’ were to have happened at any other point in our lives – it never would have worked. I can think back on so many significant circumstances in my life that were connected to very seemingly insignificant events…

I think that those of us who have experienced these intense depths of loneliness won’t help but have a greater sense of appreciation when ‘it’ finally happens for us. It’s easy to take things and people in life for granted when you haven’t experienced what it’s like to live without, or to have wanted it so badly. Like the kid who is given a new toy vs. the kid who has to work to earn his/her own money for the toy; it tends to mean more and you have a deeper sense of appreciation when you’ve worked hard or waited long for somethng. So as painful as it is now, I know that when ‘it’ finally happens for me, I won’t have the sense or capibility to take that person for granted – and that is something I should be thankful for.


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