I’m starting to feel old.
I’m only 28 (29 in March). To me, this is NOT old. In fact, I would consider myself to be a “young professional.” But things are happening around me that are really starting to make me feel like I’m living in a time warp; one that’s warping me forward…
I’ve said before on this blog that I’m surrounded by an unusual group of friends; unusual in the sense that all three couples around me have been together since their high school/early university days. So, it’s NOT unusual that they have gotten married and are now in the stage of parenthood (one couple with a baby, and one couple with one on the way). As you can imagine, the transition from having friends, to having friends who are parents, has been an interesting one. B&C have done really well with the adjustment, and it seems our social life as remained some semblance of normalcy since Mr.C (as we affectionately call him) was born. But now that L&J are pregnant (side note: they just turned 26 and 27) and Mr.C is getting a bit older, things are starting to change.
I don’t remember the last time we all went out and had drinks. Actually, I don’t remember that last time we all went out AT ALL! Our Saturday nights typically consist of us gathering at somebody’s house, maybe watching a hockey game and playing some board games. And B&C’s annual NYE party will be the same this year as it has been for the last seven years – a get together at their place with the same people (99% of whom are couples). I haven’t gone for the last 2 years, partly because X has been there and partly because it just got too emotionally difficult to be the only single person there. And don’t get me wrong, I’m all for not spending a fortune on NYE, which to me – is really just another day. But at the same time, wouldn’t it be nice for us to switch it up? Spend a little money one night, get dressed up and celebrate like we’re actually IN our 20s and not in our 40s??? This leaves me torn between wanting to do something more our age – like a hip party at a swanky hotel (my option this year), and wanting to spend NYE with my favourite friends. The problem is, I will never get to do both.
And it’s not just New Year’s. I had a Christmas party this weekend – I have thrown it every year for the last five, and it’s always a late-night/early morning good time. This year? Half of my guests were gone by 11:30pm. B&C had to go home with Mr C. and L&J (the pregnant couple) were tired as well, so….
I understand that this is what life is like when you have a baby, so I can’t blame them. But all it made me think about was how this is the direction that our lives are headed, and I’m not sure where that’s going to leave me in a couple of years. I feel soooooo far away from parenthood, and am feeling really sad thinking about how I’m going to fit in once the babies continue to come. Already, ALL conversations turn to baby or pregnancy. And THAT makes me feel old. And as much as I could take that in stride when it was about everybody else’s wedding, the baby talk is much, much harder to take because it’s a constant reminder that my friends are moving farther and farther away from the life I’m living. No one talks about dating, or what they did last Saturday night, a cute guy they met, or a cool party or new restaurant they tried. I worry about how I will maintain these close friendships when I’m starting to feel such a large invisible age gap and our interests and lives are starting to go in different directions.
I mean, we have SO MUCH TIME for house parties and early nights. Should I be feeling old at age 28?? Am I the only one who thinks that 26 is young to be having babies?? Am I crazy for wishing that sometimes, we would act our age?