Posts Tagged ‘sex and the city


Let’s talk about…

I miss sex.

Yep. I said it.

And I’ll admit that I’m flat out jealous of all my friends who are in serious relationships, and are getting it regularly.

(Mom- this is your warning should you choose to stop reading now)

When you think about it, sex is really the only thing that you can’t do alone. I mean – yes – I understand there are ways you can get your needs filled without another person. And yes – I understand that ‘no strings attached sex’ with a friend, or a fling, or an ex or a one night stand, are all ways that you can get it without being involved in a serious relationship. But, when I say I miss sex, I’m not just talking about the physical part of it. I’m talking about all the other stuff that comes with it that you can’t get on your own, or from a friend, a fling, an ex (although I know that’s debatable for some), or a one night stand. It’s definitely one of the things that truly sucks about being single.

sex-and-the-city-tv-p119I truly think that Sex and the City opened up a whole new way for woman to think about sex – and I do think it’s empowering that woman don’t have to feel guily about enjoying sex outside of a serious relationship. I mean, let’s face it – men have been doing it for years and although all the studies and research say that woman are much more ’emotional’ when it comes to sex, I dont’ believe that’s true for ALL women. I DO believe that some women ‘can have sex like men’ (as they say in the Sex and the City pilot episode), and I don’t see anything wrong with that. But although women might be able to do that – is physically good sex really as good as emotionally good sex? I haven’t had one without the other, so I can’t really comment personally. For some people, it might be – but I’m pretty sure that’s not the case with me. So even though I’m sure there are ways for me to get what I need physically, it’s not going to fulfill all of those other things that I’m missing when I say that I miss sex; the comfort, the intimacy, the closeness – all that stuff that you really only get from being with someone you care about. And as cliche and traditional as it might sound, I do believe that that’s when sex is the best – and that’s what I miss.

In the mean time, I try and make light of the subject with my friends whenever talk turns to sex – joking that I feel as though my virginity has probably grown back (yes – I know that this is not physically possible), or that they’d better keep a close eye on their boyfriends/fiancees lest I lose my self control. I guess the good news is that if I’ve had great sex with a guy that wasn’t the one for me, it can only get better with the one who is……right?


Is it a Single Girl’s world?

I’m determined that at some point I’m going to write a post about all the advantages to being single. I know that there are many. But to be brutally honest, most of the time, I find being single very lonely. Around the holiday season, I find it especially tough.lonely

I’ve been single most of my life. At (almost) 27, I’ve  had one serious relationship that lasted about two years. I have never been the ‘boy-crazy’ type, but I’m not a wallflower either. I’ve dated around. The funny thing is, I’m not so sure that it’s the ‘being single’ that bothers me, as much as it’s the fact that I’m bothered by the fact that it…bothers me! Does that make sense? In a world of Sex and the City, female presidential nominees, and chick-lit, aren’t we supposed to embrace our inner single girl? To be independent, strong and happy on our own? To have it all? To focus on our careers, and our friends, and our interests, instead of wishing for a husband or partner? It feels expected now that single girls have to be happy about being single, or else they’re seen as being some kind of ‘house-wife wannabe’ stuck in the 50’s (and just for the record…that could not be further from who I am!)

I am a strong, independent, out-spoken, intelligent woman, with a good education and a job I love and am good at. But does that mean I have to be happy being single? Because…I’m kind of ….not. I want a partner. Someone to share things with. To cuddle with, to work with, cook with, sleep with, talk with, travel with, fight with….and just ‘be’ with. All of it. Being single has it’s advantages, and I’m glad I’ve been able to spend my early twenties figuring out who I am without being influenced by anyone else. I’ve had the chance to meet people, to date, to travel, and to make my own decisions about anything and everything without having to consult with anyone. So, is it strange that sometimes I feel like a fraudulent “single girl” because I’m not really enjoying my single life?

This post is full of introspective and rhetorical questions….guess I just needed to get it out of my system. Would be curious to hear your thoughts!


The Ex Factor: Can you be friends?

I would love to know if there is one good answer to this question. I have heard SO many different opinions about this very topic and I never know which one is right. I’ve come to learn that this depends on a lot of things.

Last night I went out with my ex for a drink. We broke up exactly four years ago, but we have managed to remain good friends. There are several reasons for this – first of all, “X” and I worked together so it wasn’t really an option for us not to get along. Secondly, I had become very good friends with his sister and her fiancee, to the point where they are now my two best friends in the world. Lastly, X and I didn’t have a bad break-up. It was completely mutual and there was no real anger or resentment. We always had a great time together but at the end of the day, we didn’t really have the same expectations of what we wanted in the relationship. X has remained an important staple in my life, and is still someone who knows me better than anyone. But before I go any further, let me preface the rest of this post by saing that there is zero chance of us ever getting back together. We are better as friends than we ever were as a couple, and we are both on the same page with that. But, as Carrie Bradshaw once said in a Sex and the City episode, “If you love someone, and you break-up – where does the love go?”

Having said that, it wasn’t smooth sailing to figure out the whole friendship thing. There are definitely new boundaries that have to be drawn and some ties that need to be cut. When X starting dating someone a year after our break-up, it was incredibly difficult for me, as X and I had settled into this really good, post-break-up friendship. And despite the fact that I can say with absolute certainty that X and I will never get back together, it still felt as though someone was moving in on my territory. Trying to be friends during that year was made even harder by the fact that X’s new girlfriend was not happy that he had any ties to me whatsoever, and he inevitably ended up pulling away. When they broke up a year later, X and I were able to reconnect as friends as though nothing had ever happened.

I always “poo-pooed” my girlfriends who would argue that there was no way you could be friends with an ex, demonstrating that X and I were a great example of that exact thing. But several months ago, X and I had a BIG falling out. We didn’t talk for six months, whereas we had barely gone a month without talking before. Sadly, I can say with pretty solid certainty that X and I wouldn’t have had this argument had we never dated. It’s hard to stop some of those “girlfriend” type behaviours that come along with being friends with an ex, especially when you have dated a long time, or have continued to have them in your life and have never broken those habits. And although X was far from innocent in this situation, I will admit that my reaction was not warranted either, based on the fact that a lot of my anger stemmed from that type of gf behavior that’s hard to get rid of. It wasn’t until this falling out that I did really start to question whether or not exes can really be friends – do you ever fully let go of those habits? I had never doubted this before.

X and I patched things up over drinks last night, which I’m really relieved about. It has been awful and awkward when we’ve hung out with his sister and brother-in-law (made more complicated by the fact that I was the Maid of Honour and X was the Best Man at their wedding, during the time we weren’t speaking). He’ll always be in my life given my relationship with his sister, but I’m much more cautious now about how involved of a friendship we will have, and I’m sad to say that I’m not sure we’ll be as close as we were before this falling out. And maybe that’s better..? I don’t know.

Anyone have thoughts/experiences to share on this topic?

I had to include the below clip from one of my favourite movies, “When Harry Met Sally”. No one can expalain male/female realationships/friendships like Billy Crystal!


The Truth About Being Single

Everyone says I should be blogging. It’s what you’re supposed to do in the professional word to get your name out there. Funny enough, I won’t be sharing my name on this blog. But, for every other single girl out there who is going through what I’m going through, I’m sharing my stories. Because I think about being single….a lot.

Some random thoughts on this topic….

Sometimes I lie to people and tell them how much I enjoy being single. It feels like that’s what I’m supposed to say, you know? Because Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda made it OK to be single – and showed us how wonderful life can be when you have your true girlfriends and no man in your life. Fair enough. I know there are people out there who are perfectly OK being single and would be happy if that’s how they stayed for the rest of their lives. I admire those people. Really. But here’s the thing: I’m no longer sorry to admit that I am NOT one of those people. I GET LONELY. I mean really – I will give $100 dollars to anyone who can introduce me to a group of 40-something women who are living the life of the girls from Sex and the City.

I think back to a course I took during University called “The Single Girl in 20th Century Fiction and Film” (yes – it WAS a real seminar course – a great one actually!) We talked a lot about Sex and the City; how much we love it and how empowering it is to woman because they talk about sex, and have sex, and date and enjoy being single. Then one day, a girl in my class made a very sobering point. She said, “We all love Sex and the City. But let’s be honest. The truth is that we only like it because it’s not us. We’re so far removed from it right now and although we love the characters, we don’t want to be them when we’re 35 years old, sleeping with random guys, spending money on cosmos and partying until 4am.” It was one of the scariest truths I had ever heard.

What I hate the most, is that I feel guilty admitting that I don’t like being single. I was raised to be an incredibly strong and independent woman. My mom is one, and my grandma was one. And I AM ONE. But sometimes it feels as though strong, independent women can’t admit to being lonely. And I have good friends; great friends in fact. I own my own condo and have a great job that I love. I’m very close to my family and generally happy with everything else in my life.  I don’t NEED a man in my life to make me happy. However, my last relationship ended almost four years ago – and although I don’t regret ending it (he was not the one for me), I miss the cuddles, the calls, the kisses, the dates, his family and friends, the sex – and the moments I appreciated that someone fell in love with me.

At the end of all of this, I DO believe there is hope. That I will find someone. Through the online dating, blind dating, speed dating, random meetings -whatever it takes. So here I go.

Having finished this first post, I’m off to watch The Hills*.

*NOTE: Benefit #1 to being single: no guy to make fun of me for watching The Hills or other fluffy shows.


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