A “Facebook friend” (because let’s face it…we’re not “friends” with everyone on our Facebook list) posted the link to this article, and I thought it was so good that it warranted it’s own post. I’m about halfway through the list – how about you? Enjoy!
Posts Tagged ‘timing
Is it just me, or is there more and more information out there about love being a ‘science’; match-making theories based on genetics, biology, DNA etc.? Or theories about how the natural ‘smell’ that we give off, or the way we blink or dart our eyes at someone, is evidence of our attraction to them?
A few weeks ago, I watched a special on 20/20 that tested the research of some doctor (who wrote a book called “Why Him? Why Her?“) who claims that every human being fits into one of four categories based on certain characteristics. She claims that certain pairings of these four different personality types are more successful than others. But, turns out that after following a few potential couples of these ‘ideal’ pairings, none really stuck. Coincidence? Maybe. I mean, there are still so many other things that have to match in order to make a relationship work.
The show also followed a few couples who were matched by a professional, $30,000 a pop, matchmaker. After intensive conversation with her clients, determining the ideal qualities they would each look for in a partner, she would strategically match them up and send them on dates. The gentleman whose story they were following went on two dates – the girl he liked, didn’t like him back – and the one he didn’t like, believed they had a ‘connection.’ Another failed attempt. What was funny about all of this, was that the last couple they featured was an Indian couple brought together by their families in an arranged marriage; literally chosen out of a newspaper ad that listed no personal characteristics whatsover – just facts about his/her occupation, education, and wealth. Despite meeting only once before their wedding, this couple has been happily married (and in love) for over one year. Coincidence again? That after the five matches featured on the show, this was the one that was the most successful?
So IS there a science to it? Some magic formula? Do theories, and genetics and personality characteristics really play a part, or is the whole thing just luck? Right time, right place, and different elements of two people that just happen to mesh well? Is it more important that our upbringing and education and job title equate to our partner’s for a relationship to be successful? Horoscopes have been around for ages – and do you think that a happy couple whose astrological signs don’t really match, are doomed to fail? And doesn’t the thought of some scientific theory, or personality matching system or astrological pairing – just take the fun and mystery out of it all? (OK, so that was a long series of rhetorical questions…)
I did the personality test that was featured on 20/20 (you can do it to – for free- by signing up here), and I would definitely say that the results were right on the money with the kind of person I am. Having said that – we are each individuals. And someone who is the same personality type as me won’t neccessarily be attracted to or interested in the same guy that I might be. I guess what I’m trying to say (not so eloquently) about all of this, is that I just don’t really buy it. I don’t think that these personality tests and theories and scientific evidence about our genetics and DNA and the ‘scents’ that we give off, really have anything to do with finding a match. I truly think it’s based on two factors: luck and timing. Things we like about someone, and things we don’t like about someone. And that is individual for every single person on the planet. So, until I see more scientific evidence that proves the success and happinness of couples based on any of these theories, I’m giong to enjoy the mystery of wondering who the guy I end up with might be.
Another item for my Single Girl’s Survival List (I believe this is #17, for those who have been following): I LOVE having a queen size bed all to myself. I sprawl out every night and don’t have to fight for covers, pillows or space.
Alright – so I’m too tired to come up with a clever title for this one.
I had a great weekend! First of all, it was Spring Break week at my work, which meant some professional development sessions for staff. On Friday, I went to one of the most inspiring lectures of my life! One of our well-known faculty gave a talk about some of his life experiences; notably, losing his brother-in-law in a mountain climbing accident in New Zealand and having to keep himself alive overnight in -30C weather wearing shorts and a t-shirt. His brother-in-law basically saved his life by refusing to accept his outstretched hand, and he describes this as the one second that changed his life. His outlook on life has been completely different since – his entire lecture was about seizing the day, taking advantage of opportunities that come your way (or looking for the not so obvious opportunities!), and seeing the positive in everything – even tragedy. It’s hard to really put into words how moving this lecture was for me. I think that it just came at the right time in my life – I’ve been thinking about some life changes, and looking for all the reasons why I shouldn’t do it. I’m starting to see that maybe there’s a reason I’m still single, and the universe is trying to tell me that there’s something else I’m suppsed to be doing; taking advantage of the opportunities in my single life, instead of bitching about it. Needless to say, I have a bit of a different outlook on things right now.
Friday night, I went with my friend J. to see the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You.” FANTASTIC! I expected a cute chick-flick, but not much else. But I enjoyed it much more than I thought I would! J. and I are big fans of the book, and it actually translated really well to the screen. It was funny to be in the theatre with all these women and hear everyone “ooooh” and “aahhh” and “tsk” at the same moments. You definitely got the sense that most of us had been there! I highly recommend it as a great girl’s night out. My only complaint – the whole premise of the book and the movie is that single girls need to remind themselves that they are the rule, and not the exception. However, the movie doesn’t exactly end that way. This was kind of disappointing – I sort of hoped they would show that a single girl’s life can still be great, even if “He’s Just Not That Into You.” Regardless, this book is a must read and the movie is a must-see for single girls everywhere. Trust me.
In other updates this week, I have made the decision NOT to email my last crush. I figure – what do I want to get out of it? I’ll end up waiting for some reply that won’t make me feel any better. And at the end of the day, the fact that he’s engaged will have to suffice as enough closure for me. We went on a few dates and it didn’t work out. Really, while I wish him the best, I don’t owe him a congrats – and emotionally, it’s not worth it.
The eHarmony quest is still ongoing. I float back and forth from seeing this as ‘seizing opportunities’ (as mentioned above), and being just a big pain in my a$$. Here’s the thing about online dating – if you’re really serious about it, it’s actually a lot of work! It’s exhausting to read and weed through all those matches; especially when you don’t know enough about the person to be really ‘excited’ about communicating with them – so you have to push through the first few stages in order to really find out more, and see if it’s been worth all your time. Someone recently gave me the analogy that online dating is like working in sales; you make 10 cold calls, hope to get 3 prospects, and might get 1 sale out of those. Well – I have looked at over 100 matches since I rejoined eHarmony, and I’m only communicating with 2 of them. So, the stats are not necessarily so good but as my mom says, it only takes one. We’ll see what happens.
In other news, I haven’t had any communication with X in weeks. Not so sure it’s newsworthy, but for the first time, I kind of don’t care. If he calls to see how things are, great – it would be nice to catch-up. But I wrote him two messages back in January and never heard back so what’s the point? It’s kind of funny that sometimes it takes a completely, non-dramatic ‘event’ to make you see the light. One of my friends once told me that maybe if I stopped trying so hard to have a friendship with X, it would just happen naturally. I’m starting to think he might be right.
Hmm….what else in random thoughts of the week….
Oh – I have a wee little crush on Dev Patel from Slumdog Millionaire. Another fantastic movie that I saw on Saturday night during my girl’s night with B. I wasn’t sure I would like it because I’m not usually into the underdog/independent films, but it was such a sweet movie. Yes – he’s 18, but what a cutie, and so sincerely amazed and humbled by this new found success. And his British accent makes him that much more adorable. And the little kids in this movie??? To die for (check out this interview – it will definitely make you smile!). Thoroughly enjoyed the Oscars last night too – the best broadcast of it that I’ve seen, and I agree with all the winning choices. All in all – a great Single Girl’s weekend.
Today I saw “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.” It was a beautiful, and thoughtful movie that really got me thinking about life and fate. Most of the time, we’re in such a rush to enjoy the good things in life that we sweep over the seemingly insignificant moments of the journey along the way. Or we waste significant parts of our lives waiting, and hoping and wishing for something that just isn’t meant to come our way yet. There is a reason that they say “Patience is a virtue.” Unfortunately, it’s a virtue that doesn’t come easily to me (I get that from my Dad 🙂 )
The amount of time I think about being single is….significant. I’m constantly wondering when and if it’s ever going to be my turn to meet someone special in my life – or – if I’ve met him already; someone from my past, or someone I’ve simply passed on the street.
After seeing the movie today, it got me thinking about all the tiny, seemingly insignificant decisions we make everyday that can effectively change the outcome of our lives. Do we take the bus or drive? Do we bring lunch to work, or go out to eat? Take a trip to the gym after work, or go right home? If we make one choice, are we missing out on something else? I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m starting to think there is a good and intentional purpose for why I’m still single. For whatever reason, it’s not my time yet. Maybe if I were to meet the man of my dreams at this point in my life, I wouldn’t be ready to let him in and we’d simply end up crossing paths. Maybe my ‘last crush’ (as he’s come to be known in this blog) is supposed to be more than just that, but we met at the wrong time. Maybe the two people from my past who have recently come back into my life (and who I’m not big fans of) will somehow be the people who connect me to something or someone else that ultimately has a positive impact on my life.
This is no secret formula. Call it what you will – patience, positive thinking, law of attraction, fate, kismet. Those of you who are as lonely as I am know how difficult and emotionally draining it is to continue staying positive – to keep that belief that we deserve someone special and that he will come along. Instead of trying to stay positive about that, perhaps our energy is better spent at seeing the intricacies of how one thing leads to another; truly believing that everything does happen for a reason, that that when it’s our time – we’ll be ready and it will be worth that wait. And that if ‘it’ were to have happened at any other point in our lives – it never would have worked. I can think back on so many significant circumstances in my life that were connected to very seemingly insignificant events…
I think that those of us who have experienced these intense depths of loneliness won’t help but have a greater sense of appreciation when ‘it’ finally happens for us. It’s easy to take things and people in life for granted when you haven’t experienced what it’s like to live without, or to have wanted it so badly. Like the kid who is given a new toy vs. the kid who has to work to earn his/her own money for the toy; it tends to mean more and you have a deeper sense of appreciation when you’ve worked hard or waited long for somethng. So as painful as it is now, I know that when ‘it’ finally happens for me, I won’t have the sense or capibility to take that person for granted – and that is something I should be thankful for.