Posts Tagged ‘truth

30
Oct
09

and then there was one

It’s official. My friends are married. I am now the only single in our group of 9. C&A’s wedding was absolutely beautiful – stunning. And I had a ton of fun. It also marked my last (and 6th) duty as a bridesmaid/maid of honour. It’s a lot of work and time being in a wedding, but the day-of is always so much fun. So, as excited as I am to be done with the stress of the costs and planning, it’s strange not to have a wedding to look forward to being in. Actually, for the first time in I don’t know how long, I don’t have ANY weddings on my calendar – none to be in, and none to go to. I think my bank account could use the break 🙂

Lonely_boat_by_jordanrusevOf course, now that these weddings are over – all talk has turned to babies. I didn’t think it would happen so fast, but the couples that I know have been together for a long time (since high-school for most of them), and many of them living together for awhile so they don’t see the need to wait. As excited as I am for my friends to start this part of their lives, it’s hard not to feel like they’ve set sail on a ship that I’m not on; like I’m on a completely different ship, going in the opposite direction.

As bad as this might sound, I was actually looking forward to getting back to our ‘normal’ lives and conversations again – we’ve had three weddings in our group in the last year and a half, so there’s been a lot of wedding talk. A LOT. Don’t get me wrong – I enjoyed helping two of my best friends plan their weddings. But, I find it difficult sometimes to continually have conversations about things that don’t apply to me, or that I can’t contribute to. Already, talk has turned to the dos and don’ts of pregnancy, getting pregnant, having babies etc, etc so it feels like the cycle is starting all over again.

As a 27 year-old single woman, I want to talk about the dos and don’ts of dating, and work, and careers and travel – so I can’t help but feel like I’m at a completely different life stage than the rest of my friends. I love going out with my single girlfriends (the two that I have!) We have much more in common, and share similar stories and can relate to each other – not just about being single, but about our interests, our plans, our jobs etc. The good thing is that I’m content with that – I don’t want to get married right now. I don’t want to be pregnant. I don’t want to be at that life stage yet. I want do the ‘single things’ now, and save the other stuff for later; there’s still plenty of time for me to do all that. But it scares me – because I’m afraid that these differences in interests, and life stages and conversations are going to separate me from my other, very close friends. Because as happy as I am for them, it’s difficult. It’s difficult to feel like I’m behind – when really – I’m not! But they now have all these shared experiences in common, and I don’t. And while I can’t imagine not being there when the babies start arriving, I’m feeling a little left out; like the rest of them will have these common bonds and experiences that I can’t share in. I’m sure my fears are unwarranted, but it’s hard to say what will happen – friends have gone their separate ways over much less. Funny part is, I don’t have this fear about my relationships with each couple individually; I only find it difficult when we’re all in a group and talking about this kind of stuff.

Safe to say, the relationship dynamics of our group will probably change – but here’s hoping that my friends will let me take a sail on their boat once and awhile, and hopefully they’ll want to sail on mine.

24
Nov
08

Close the door and open a window

Closure.

Those few little words at the end of any resemblance of a relationship that bear so much significance. The words that you want to hear, just as badly as you dread to hear them. And how many of us never get it? I’m sure I never had closure with my ex b/c we never stopped talking or seeing each other after we broke up. But, I’m still waiting for ‘closure’ on my last crush, which is likely the reason I still can’t get him out of my head. His actions (well, “inactions” rather) speak louder than words that there’s nothing more to talk about – whatever we had, or didn’t have,  is done. However, until you actually hear the words, it’s hard to let go of that teeny, tiny bit of hope that there’s even the slightest, unlikely chance that things could change. And as much as I claim to want closure, and although it would be easy for me to ask him flat out what the deal is, sometimes NOT getting the closure is easier. It’s a catch-22 really; the double-edge sword; the no-win situation. We all claim to want it, convinced that we’ll feel better afterwards, but not having the closure leaves that little bit of hope…

A message to the ‘close-ees’: When the closer finally works up the courage, and gets to that ever so difficult stage where there’s no other possible way to move on without it, give them the closure. Say the actual words. As difficult as it may be for you, and as much as you don’t want to hurt her feelings, don’t dance around the subject – just give her a clear answer. Because at the end of the day, I DO truly believe that as much as it may sometimes hurt, people want to hear the truth. And you know what? We’ll be OK – we’re not going to fall apart and give up on life if you say you’re not interested.

windowAnd to the ‘closers’? Don’t be afraid to ask for it. Don’t waste the space in your heart for someone who doesn’t want it or deserve it. And as much as you want to hold onto that hope by avoiding the ‘What’s going on with us/you?’ question, recognize that the only way you’ll be able to move on, is to get that clear answer. Close the door and open a window for someone else to come in.

Now, obviously I should be taking my own advice but everyone reading this knows that this kind of stuff is much easier said than done. On a much lesser scale, I wish that I had done the ‘closure’ thing with the last guy I went on a date with before JD. After three dates, it was obvious that C. was way more into me than I was into him, and while I started to give off the ‘disinterested’ vibe and he stopped calling, I never had that ‘closure’ conversation with him. When I ran into him briefly a few weeks ago, the awkwardness was palpable- as was my guilt for not just giving him the “Let’s just be friends” speech.

So – I plan to practice what I preach and am giving myself a one-week deadline to have the “closure” chat with JD. I don’t think this will be too difficult, given that I’ve heard from L. that JD and I seem to be on the same page with feeling the lack of chemistry – a HUGE relief. And I would encourage anyone else who’s reading this blog to let the breeze in the window and seek that closure that you know you need to move on – you know who you are 🙂




Archives

Blog Stats

  • 30,435 hits